


Keeping Time

by Vamphile



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-06
Updated: 2007-11-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:52:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vamphile/pseuds/Vamphile
Summary: The Fifth in the Keeping Series  Post 513 Brian and Justin have been together For almost 12 years at this pongBrothers KeeperKeeping It TogetherSafe KeepingKeeping Touchand now Keeping Time





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes:

So this is probaby the last in the Keeping Series.

Thanks to all who are reading and Keep reading. 

* * *

 

 

  
  


* * *

## Keeping Time

## Chapter One   


* * *

 

Brian was packing. It was taking longer than usual because he had to repeatedly remove Justin’s clothes and put them back in the closet or the drawer. He’d turn to put something else in his suitcase, only to find more of Justin’s clothes tucked in next to his.

“Justin.”

“Mmm?”

“Cut it out.”

“Fine. But it seems silly to take two bags when we’re only going to be there for a couple of days.”

“ _We’re_ not going to be anywhere. I’ll be back by the end of the week.”

“Nice try. You’re not doing this alone.”

“I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.”

“No shit. I’m still going.”

Brian pulled two shirts from the closet and held them out for inspection. He didn’t look at Justin. “I don’t need you there.”

“Can we pretend we’ve already had this argument and that I’ve won?”

“No. Because there’s no need for you to be there.”

“Okay. I’ll see you there.”

Brian nodded, only half listening then stopped, tossing both shirts onto the bed. “Wait, what?”

 

“I don’t have to travel with you. I’m going to be there.”

Brian nodded. “Pack your shit, _in your own suitcase_ , and you didn’t win.”

Justin smiled. “Yes, I did.” He pulled his own bag down from the top shelf in the closet. “I get why you want to do this alone.”

“And yet…”

“It’s just a checkup. You’ll go, they’ll tell you you’re fine, and then we can visit the inner harbor.”

“We can go to Baltimore any time you want. Why go for this?”

“It sounds like fun.”

Brian turned his full attention to Justin. “You’re twisted.”

“And lying. Let me ask you this, would you want me to go alone?”

“Sure.”

“Liar.”

“If you didn’t tell me about it. And I don’t recall telling you about this.”

“I have my sources.”

“Last time I hire your brother as my receptionist.”

“You planning on firing Cynthia and Ted too?”

“Fucking rat bastards.”

“Brian, none of them told me. Though all of them probably would have if I asked. I’m not stupid. I know it’s time for your annual cancer scan.”

“So why have you never come with me before?”

“Because I used to totally respect your right to be a complete asshole.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t. But you hid it from me better before, which means either you’re getting sloppy in your old age, or you _wanted_ me to find out.”

“Thanks. I appreciate the age reference.”

“You’re not old.”

Brian didn’t say anything else as he carefully packed. Justin was slightly more careful than he used to be, and significantly less careful than Brian would ever approve of. 

“You’re not driving.”

“I’m not retarded. It’s only a two and a half hour drive.”

Brian nodded and zipped up his bag. “Why do you have to be such a twat?”

“Part of my charm.”

 

 

 

They’d been driving for the better part of an hour, Brian's hand resting on Justin’s thigh, but neither of them saying anything. Brian finally broke the silence. “You’re not going to the hospital with me.”

Justin didn’t say a word, and Brian gritted his teeth. He knew from experience, silence was not acquiescence. And Justin and acquiescence were really, just… he shook his head. “It’s just blood tests and an image scan. There’s a Japanese textiles exhibit at the BMA.”

Justin turned his head sharply. “How do you know what’s currently showing at the Baltimore Museum?”

Brian shrugged. “I know lots of things.”

Justin smiled widely. “Like that I was coming with you.”

Brian put his sunglasses on. “Yeah, like that.”

“Well, I’m going to your appointment with you. Besides, I’d rather see the European art exhibit than the Japanese textile one. But if there’s time, we could see both.”

Brian shook his head.

“Brian, there’s no shopping in Baltimore. I mean, Sydney, sure, I understood, but _Baltimore_? If you step outside the touristy DC suburban areas, you’ll get shot with a nail gun.”

“That’s it, we’re canceling HBO, it’s warping your mind.”

“Shut up. I’m going with you.”

Brian stopped talking again, and Justin sighed. 

Brian turned up the radio. Justin turned it back down. 

“Justin.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Fine.”

Justin leaned his head back and closed his eyes against the sun. Brian’s hand returned to his thigh.

He woke up to Brian whispering in his ear. 

“We’re here?”

Brian nodded and handed the keys to the valet, who helped the bellman take the luggage out of the back. 

Once they were in the hotel room, Justin flopped back on the bed. “This place is…”

“Generic?”

Justin laughed, “Yeah, a little.”

Brian shrugged. “Who cares? Big bed, stocked bar, steam room and fitness center, what more do I need?”

“A shower big enough for two.”

“I didn’t need that when I booked the room.”

Justin took off his shirt and peeked into the bathroom. “And it doesn’t have one, but it has a Jacuzzi.”

“I think we can live without showering together for three days.”

Justin nodded. “What time’s your appointment?”

“Not 'til three.”

“It’s almost one.”

“So?”

“We should go.”

“We’re ten minutes away.”

“But…”

Justin had turned to face Brian. Brian stalked towards him, and then wrapped an arm around his waist. “The doctors always run late. We can wait an hour or two.”

“You’re sure?”

Brian nodded, and backed Justin towards the bed. “What do you want to do?”

Justin pretended to think about it. “Scrabble?”

“No board.”

“Parcheesi?”

 

“Same issue.”

“Order lunch?”

 

“You hungry?”

Justin shook his head. 

Brian laid a hand flat against Justin’s chest, and pushed him backwards. Justin fell back against the bed and smiled up at Brian. “Okay. What do you suggest?” He didn’t wait for Brian’s answer as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Brian tossed his own shirt in the general direction of Justin’s, and sprawled his body over Justin’s form, letting his lips softly brush against his. “I suggest we fuck.”

“Okay.” Justin licked his lips. His breathing was already changing. 

 

 

 

Brian was not at all happy with Justin being here. This was personal, private, and Justin didn’t need this shit. He’d be fine, and he should be finding that out by himself, and then casually mentioning it while sorting the mail or opening a beer or whatever. He decided not to think about what it meant that Justin had never insisted on accompanying him before. Instead, he watched Justin’s tongue sneak out of his mouth and wet his bottom lip. Brian stared for a few moments, mesmerized by the glossy pink tongue before his head lowered and his own tongue followed the same path, curving over the full soft surface of Justin’s lower lip before pushing between his teeth and into the hot cavern of his mouth. 

Justin moaned a little as Brian lowered his body onto Justin’s. His hands were at the waistband of Justin’s jeans, and when Justin raised his hips to allow Brian to pull them down over his ass, they both groaned softly. Justin’s hands worked in unison with Brian's to pull his jeans off as well. They were naked, pressed against one another. Their mouths seemingly fused together. Justin’s hands grasping Brian’s biceps. Brian’s hands splayed flat on the bed on either side of Justin’s head. 

He moved his mouth away from Justin’s, and swirled his tongue into the space where Justin's neck met his shoulders. Justin’s head fell back and Brian moved even lower, sucking and biting at the nub of Justin’s nipple. Pulling and watching as Justin’s body followed, his back bowed, his hands on Brian’s shoulders now. 

Justin’s feet were still dangling off the bed. Brian stood up and Justin’s eyes opened at the loss of body contact. Brian knew that whatever he did with his head and shoulders, with the curve of his mouth and the slightest movement of his hand, all of it was probably imperceptible to the naked eye. Unless it was Justin’s eye, and Justin’s nakedness, in which case he had probably used more signals than necessary. Justin was on the bed fully, on his knees, his head turned over his shoulder, regaining eye contact with Brian. 

Brian nodded once, lube and condom tossed onto the bed, his hands curved around Justin’s hips. Once the physical contact was reestablished, Justin’s body seemed to relax. He dropped his head onto the mattress, parted his knees and closed his eyes. Brian pulled a pillow from the top of the bed and pushed it towards Justin’s cheek. Justin slid it under his head and moved so that his ass was even more invitingly open. 

He knew the signals. Brian wanted it rough. Justin was ready. When Brian slid into him in one strong long motion, Justin turned his head and let out a deep guttural groan. Brian pulled out and watched as Justin readied himself. Brian didn’t disappoint, and when he began to slide in and out, long smooth hard strokes that left Justin shaking at the slightest additional touch, he let himself be overcome with the wet hot tightness that was Justin. He reached between Justin’s legs, stroking and squeezing his cock while he continued to fuck him. Justin’s grunting became something deeper, more primal. Brian’s movements became quicker and shorter. He angled for Justin's prostate, and then pulled away. He let his thumb push at it from he outside, and then stopped. And when Justin was ready to beg, Brian leaned over him, kissing his neck, biting his ear, sliding his hand along Justin’s back and waist until they both came in a crescendo of gasps and grunts and sweat and heat.

 

 

 

Two and a half hours later, they were in the waiting room. Justin wanted to go back with Brian, but he also knew that Brian didn’t want him there. He didn’t push. It was enough that he was there. Brian was doing an admirable job of hiding his nerves. Justin wished he didn’t still feel the need to hide like that. There were some arguments, however, that he also knew were pointless. He put a hand on Brian’s thigh and pointed to an advertisement in one of the magazines. “You should call them. They need a new image.” Brian nodded but his eyes barely glanced at the page in front of him. He jumped up a little too quickly when his name was called. Justin squeezed his hand and Brian squeezed back before severing contact. He followed the nurse.

Justin pulled out the book he’d been trying to read for almost a month. He’d intended to read it while they were on vacation. That had been a pointless endeavor; they never seemed to stop moving. They’d had a really good time. They’d been back for almost two weeks and he’d had no time since then. Martin had recommended an agent, and the agent had him booked for three shows within the next year. He sat back and tried to focus on the story, but ended up biting his nails and looking at the clock every five minutes.

More than three hours later, he had no fingernails left, he’d managed to get the green paint out of the crevice of his cuticles, and still no Brian. It was after six when Brian appeared. Justin stood up and followed Brian out of the office. They didn’t say a word until they were back in the car.

“Now what?”

“Now we wait. They said he’d look at them tomorrow and call me to let me know either way.”

“I thought you had to wait a while for the results if they were normal.”

“Yeah, well….”

“You fucked your doctor?”

Brian shot Justin a glance and Justin’s eyes actually widened; he’d been half kidding. “You fucked your doctor! Oh my god, he could get sooo disbarred.”

“Doctors don’t have to pass the bar. At worst he could lose his license to practice medicine.”

“Brian!”

“Shut up. He was hot, I was fine, I felt like celebrating and now I get my test results really quickly.”

“Did you fuck him today?”

“I don’t do repeats.”

“Really? Still?”

“Do you?”

“No, but…”

“Justin, I didn’t fuck the doctor while you were sitting out there waiting for me. I haven’t been that guy in a while. Besides, you’re not Michael.”

Justin smiled at that. “Michael really would just sit and wait wouldn’t he?”

“Well, that’s because he wouldn’t be invited to join us.”

“And I would?”

“Where do you want to go for dinner?”

“Your call. How hot is he?”

“Thinking you’d like a go at him?”

“Maybe, if he’s worth the effort. It’d be nice to have your oncologist in my back pocket.”

Brian stopped the car in front of the restaurant. “You really think I wouldn’t tell you?”

Justin didn’t say anything. The valet parked the car. Brian ordered a bottle of wine, and Justin watched him for a few minutes, saying nothing. When they’d ordered and were on their second bottle of wine, Justin finally spoke. “I’m trusting you to tell me. Don’t fuck with that.”

Brian looked up, drained his glass and nodded once. Justin felt something inside him unclench, and when his food came he found he actually had an appetite.

They had finished four bottles of wine by the end of the meal. They ended up walking around the inner harbor, a little drunk, a little happy, a little nervous. Brian took Justin’s hand,,,,, and Justin leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be fine, you know.”

Brian reached into his jacket pocket for a cigarette. 

“You said you were going to quit when we got home from vacation.”

Brian pulled his hand out of his pocket and draped his arm over Justin instead. “It’s a habit.”

“It’s a bad one.”

“So I quit.”

“Good.”

 

 

Justin's POV

We end up sitting on a bench, staring at the harbor. Most of the shops are closing, and it’s actually pretty fucking cold. I sniffle and realize my nose is probably bright red. My face almost hurts, but the rest of me is feeling pretty warm. 

“C’mon, you’re freezing.”

I stand up, and we spend the rest of the night in the hotel room talking about nothing in particular and particularly _not_ talking about the fact that Brian’s gaze slides to the phone as often as it moves towards me or the television.

Eventually I just give up and seduce him. The sex is hot, and it’s not that neither of us are paying attention to each other, but his phone is always within reach no matter where we are.

Just before I fall asleep I see that Brian has his phone resting in the palm of his hand, his eyes closed. I wonder if he’s willing it to ring, or hoping it doesn’t. 

 

 

 

Brian’s POV

I feel the phone vibrate in my hand. I never really fell asleep and I didn’t want it to wake Justin. It’s only seven in the morning. There’s no way it’s my doctor yet. I look at the caller ID. I’m wrong.

I stand up, extricating myself from Justin carefully and moving across the room. 

“Stuart.”

“Brian.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“There was something on the CT scan.”

I feel sick. Great, we haven’t even started chemo, and I’m already puking. I hear him still talking and try to focus. I’ve lost the thread of the conversation. “Back up.”

“Brian, your blood work is fine, but there’s a smudge on the CT scan.”

“A smudge?”

“A spot, on your lung. We don’t have a clear picture, but there’s no reason to panic. Even if it is a reoccurrence of the cancer, we caught it early again.”

I nod and say nothing. What is there to say? 

“Brian, I want to take a few more pictures, an x-ray and an MRI, run a different round of blood work and then we’ll know more.”

“Don’t you want to go in and biopsy the damn thing?”

“We’re not sure there’s anything to biopsy yet. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

“We’re booked solid today. We’ll do it first thing tomorrow.”

“Fuck that. I want them done today.”

“Brian, I appreciate your concern, but be reasonable. It may be nothing. Enjoy the city while you’re here, and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

I nod, hang up, and sit down heavily. I stare at the wall while I smoke a cigarette. What’s it going to do, give me cancer?

 

 

Justin’s POV

I can feel that there’s something wrong the moment I wake up. Maybe it’s because Brian’s not next to me, maybe it’s because I smell cigarette smoke and he quit two weeks ago. I forgo my usual languid stretch and yawn routine and sit up quickly. “Brian?”

I turn my head and spot him, sitting almost completely still and smoking. “You quit.”

“I started again.”

“Brian.” And then I notice that the phone is on the other side of the room. “Brian?”

He doesn’t move and I feel like I might throw up. I get up slowly and move towards him. He puts out the cigarette but doesn’t move. I’m standing in front of him now, and I’m not sure what to say. I think I’m going to cry and I _know_ that’s the wrong thing to do, so instead I sit on his lap. He looks up at me, surprised. I kiss the side of his face.

“Whatever it is, we’ll deal. I love you.”

He nods, still not saying anything. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face against me. He’s not crying, he’s not kissing me or moving his hands, he’s just holding me. I pull him closer, and we stay like that for a long time. Eventually, he pulls away and pushes at me a little. I get off his lap and then… I’m just not sure what to do. I don’t want to move away from him, but he doesn’t want me to touch him right now. Eventually I just sit down on the floor, my back against the wall, my legs on either side of his feet. “What’d the doctor say?”

“Something wrong with the pictures they took. They didn’t get my best side.”

I nod, pretending that makes sense. “So when do they need you to pose again?”

“Tomorrow.”

My throat closes. I can’t breathe. Tomorrow suddenly seems like a long time from now. I stand up. “Well, lets go to the aquarium, or I don’t fucking know, France.”

He laughs. “France?”

 

“Are you planning on just sitting here in the hotel? We could go home.”

“Aaron and Lee are still there. Fuck that.”

“We could…”

He shakes his head and stands up. He seems stiff; I wonder how long he’s been sitting there motionless. He curves and stretches his back, and then yawns. “I’m going back to sleep. We won’t know anything for a while.”

It’s nine in the morning. Is he really planning on sleeping 'til tomorrow? I watch him swallow a couple of Xanax dry. I think maybe he is. I pick up my book and try to find a comfortable place with enough light, but I can’t, so I crawl into bed behind him and lay my head on his chest. Eventually, I close my eyes, too.

 

 

When Brian woke up it was already dark outside. He stretched and turned, dislodging Justin. He felt nauseated and then remembered why he’d gone back to bed in the first place. He turned, curled his arm around Justin and pulled him closer, inhaling his scent, enjoying the warmth of his skin. He ran a hand through his hair, and Justin murmured softly, usually a sign he was waking up. Brian waited, but Justin seemed to settle deeper into him and the mattress. Brian stroked his arm. Justin mumbled but still didn’t wake. Brian blew at the hair on Justin’s neck. Justin’s hand moved to scratch at the spot that tickled but his breathing remained even, his body pliant and his eyes closed. Brian spread his fingers out across Justin’s chest, moving his hand slowly down. Justin’s hand met his and guided it to his cock. Brian knew he was still, for the most part, asleep, but at least he was responding. He’d take what he could get.

Brian moved his hand slowly, bringing Justin to full hardness with soft languid movements. When Justin rolled onto his back, his eyes were open. Brian smiled down at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Brian's hand had moved from Justin’s cock and was carding softly through Justin’s hair. “Welcome back.”

“You’re the one who decided to hibernate.”

“Just needed some sleep.”

Brian saw the moment Justin remembered _why_ Brian had chosen to hide behind closed eyes. He saw a flittering look of panic and then something else, something softer before Justin’s eyes narrowed at him. “Are we going to pretend there’s nothing wrong?”

Brian moved his hand out of Justin's hair. He let it slide over Justin’s shoulder and skim the curve of his waist, resting on his hip. He was honestly considering his options. He came to a conclusion.

“Yes.”

“That’s it? Yes?”

“Yes. There’s nothing wrong, and we’re just a couple of lazy fuckers who have decided to disappear.”

Justin was staring at him, not angry, but not blinking either. Finally, his entire body relaxed. He let out a sigh and smiled. “In that case, we need to find a decent movie and order some food. I’m starving.”

Brian leaned back and Justin pulled him forward, kissing him deeply.

Brian tasted him, and knew there was nothing on the menu that could parallel this taste, this feeling. He wrapped an arm around Justin, pulling him closer. “I think I’m going to fuck you before we have the movie argument.”

Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist and nodded. When they stopped kissing long enough to speak, Justin seemed about to say something. Brian watched him start, and then stop, and was once again in his life grateful to Justin, grateful _for_ Justin. Grateful that he had this man in his arms who knew when it was better to shut the fuck up. 

And so they said nothing aloud, and spoke volumes in movement and contact. It was almost an hour later when Justin rolled, his body lying over Brian’s torso, and grabbed the room service menu.

Justin picked up the phone, his body still across Brian’s. He ignored Brian’s expression as he finished his call and put the phone back in the cradle.

“Is there anything you didn’t order?”

“Probably, but I’m hungry.”

Brian shook his head and pushed at Justin's hip. Justin rolled off of him and sat up, looking for the remote. Brian held it up. Justin reached for it, and Brian held it out of his grasp.

“You ordered. I get to pick the movie.”

“Brian, no. You have crap taste in movies.”

“Really? I recall recently watching an entire movie in subtitles that turned out to be about a young Korean girl living in Berlin and looking for a red stuffed teddy bear.”

Justin lunged for the remote again. “There was nothing wrong with that film.”

Brian moved away from him keeping the remote over his head. “She cried through the entire movie, except at the end, when she found a blue bear instead, and then it rained.”

“The rain was her tears. It’s called a metaphor.”

“It’s called self-indulgent art house crap.”

Justin moved closer to Brian, who hadn’t lowered his arm. He grasped Brian’s nipple with his teeth and pulled at the same time he tickled the spot just under Brian’s ribs. He let out a victorious “Yes!” as he moved away quickly, remote in hand.

He sat on the end of the bed and started to scroll through the options. None seemed very appealing. They were still debating a big budget action film vs. a classic forties film noir when the food arrived.

Justin was digging around for a pair of sweat pants, when Brian just went to the door naked and signed for it. 

He pulled on the sweats anyway; Brian always liked the room colder than he did. He also found a white t-shirt and settled back on the bed, a piece of crusty Italian bread in one hand and a glass of white wine in the other. “Brian?”

“Mmm?”

“Let’s just watch “Killing Death.” I want to see stuff blow up.”

Brian was leaning back with a glass of scotch as the credits started.

“You’re not eating?”

Brian finished the scotch and poured another. “Not hungry.”

Justin pulled a plate of fettuccini onto his lap and shrugged. “It’s good.”

Brian nodded and they watched the movie in relative silence while Justin ate. When Justin had finished half the pasta he put it back on the cart and moved on to the salmon. He offered an asparagus spear to Brian, who shook his head. He offered a forkful of mashed cauliflower to Brian, who didn’t respond at all. When he tried a third time, Brian glared at him. “I’m not a fucking infant. Stop trying to feed me.”

“I just thought you might want a taste.”

“I don’t.”

Justin nodded and took another bite of the salmon. He flinched when the building in the movie exploded. Brian held the side of the plate to keep the food from spilling. Justin laughed. “Sorry, but damn, I thought it was the blue wire.” 

Brian took the plate from his lap and moved it back to the cart, pulling Justin closer. Justin let his head fall against Brian’s shoulder and then laughed.

“What?”

Justin held up his hand, Brian’s fingers interlaced with his. “We’re holding hands and watching a movie. Remember when you used to think that was a sign of the apocalypse?”

Brian laughed and brought their hands to his mouth, kissing the back of Justin's hand before dropping it. “Yeah, and I was, apparently, right.”

“Brian.”

Brian turned away from Justin who was about to say something when he turned back, joint and lighter in hand. “This movie might get better if we’re stoned.”

“I doubt it. Damn, Brett’s really lost his touch.”

“Well, if his next one bombs, maybe he’ll call you to come back and try to resurrect Rage: The Movie.”

“I doubt it. You’d need the kind of power he _had_ to get that done.”

Brian exhaled as he handed the joint to Justin, who filled his lungs. “Besides,” he continued, holding his breath and the smoke in as he spoke, “Lee would get the job now. I haven’t drawn Rage for the last three issues.”

Brian handed the joint back to Justin, and then looked at the screen and laughed. A building was knocked over by a tsunami. Everything about the digital imagery was amusing at the moment. 

Justin laughed, too, and then remembered something very important. He pulled the sheet back and lowered his head over Brian’s cock. 

Brian came, his hands sliding through Justin’s hair, his shoulders against the headboard, the rest of his body arching off the bed and towards Justin. 

Justin sat up and smiled, enjoying the sight of Brian’s body slowly becoming less tense. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. Brian’s eyes closed. He stared at him for a few minutes, trying desperately not to think about what they were purposely not thinking about. He felt the sting of unshed tears as Brian’s body suddenly seemed to be sagging.

He’d have a fight on his hands if this turned out to be something. The question was, would Brian fight with him, or against him – and could he personally handle the fight against both cancer and Brian? He thought not. 

Brian opened his eyes as Justin was about to roll over and bury his head in the pillow. “Don’t get maudlin on me.”

Justin nodded and plucked a couple of strawberries off of the cart beside the bed. He shoved a large one in his own mouth to keep himself from saying anything he’d regret. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

He smiled and kissed Brian, letting the sweet sticky taste of strawberries and the warm musky taste of Brian combine on his tongue.

Brian's hand was on his neck, pulling him in for a deeper kiss. When he pulled back, Brian found another movie, and Justin headed towards the mini bar tossing random bottles onto the bed. 

Brian laughed as he held up a hand, deflecting any that came too close. Justin was stoned enough to be throwing them somewhat carelessly, but not stoned enough to be so careless as to hit Brian in the head.

“You planning on drinking all of this yourself?”

“You have to help me or I’ll be too drunk to drive.”

“You don’t even own a car.”

“Pfft. I own all your cars with you.” Justin moved closer to the bed, leaning over Brian to open two bottles of gin.

“Justin, the cars are in my name.”

“So am I.”

“You’re in my name?”

“Yep. I’m Justin Taylor, Brian Kinney’s twink. Everyone knows that.” He finished the second bottle of rum and fell across Brian’s lap.

“You’re going to be twenty nine in a month. Don’t think you still qualify as a twink.”

Justin moved a little, not making any real effort to get off of Brian’s lap. The soft cotton of his sweat pants moved as he did, creating a soft friction. The warmth of Brian’s thigh radiated through him. He felt good. Brian’s hand was running over his ass and he looked back at Brian with a smile and then turned a bit, getting another bottle of something. He opened it, drank some and made a face. “Here.”

“Don’t like whisky?”

 

“Not straight like that. But you do.”

Brian emptied the bottle and reached for another one, his other hand never stopping as his palm drew soft lazy circles on Justin’s ass.

“Mmm… how drunk do I have to get for you to spank me?”

“You’re probably already drunk enough.”

“Are you?”

Brian’s hand came down hard and Justin stopped reaching for more bottles. He moved up onto his knees a little. Brian’s hand came down again and again. “Brian, please.”

Brian stopped. “Please what?”

Justin reached back, lowering his sweats. “I want to feel your hand.”

Brian did it again; this time Justin let his body lower onto Brian’s lap. He made small circles as his hard cock leaked against Brian’s thigh, and soon he was sliding back and forth, lubed by his own pre-come, as Brian continued his onslaught. When Justin came, Brian stopped. 

Justin felt boneless, and reached slowly for a pillow. He stayed like that, wet, sticky and sated, sprawled over Brian’s lap. His head turned towards the television. He watched the movie silently for a few minutes, Brian’s hand resting on his hip and his pants still below his ass. “I think we lost the plot,” Brian mused.

Justin tried to raise his head but didn’t have the energy. “There’s a plot?”

Brian patted Justin’s ass and began flipping channels. Justin drifted off or possibly passed out.

 

 

Brian watched Justin sleep. He was feeling the effects of the alcohol, weed, and stress as well. He wondered idly what the man Justin chose to share his life with once he was gone would be like. He could see Justin staying with the older man route, but then he could also see Justin drawn towards someone closer to his own age, someone with similar tastes in… Brian tried to think of something he and Justin didn’t have similar tastes in… he was unable, at the moment, to think of one.

Justin moved and Brian flinched; dried come pulling on his leg hair was not really an aphrodisiac. He felt lethargic. He stroked Justin’s hip and thigh, and saw it coming almost before it happened. Over the years he’d developed a sixth sense about these things.

“Justin.”

Justin was whimpering a little. Making small movements that would become larger until he was flailing.

“Justin.” Brian reached out for him but Justin’s hand swung and knocked his out of the way. He sat bolt upright. Breathing heavily. Brian held out an arm. Justin curled up next to him, resting his head on Brian’s chest. “Fuck.”

Brian stroked his hair. “Shhhh, nightmare. Happens all the time.”

“My hand hurts. What’d I hit?”

“My arm.”

“So no broken lamps?”

“Nope, just a battered Brian.”

“Oh, well, then, we’re okay.”

Brian laughed a little. “Same one?”

Justin didn’t say anything for a few minutes. “It was just a random nightmare. Too much alcohol, not enough weed. And you have some Valium somewhere and I want one.”

Brian reached for a joint and lit it. He handed it to Justin. “Valium doesn’t work; you end up stuck in the nightmare longer.”

Justin nodded. “I guess.”

They passed the joint back and forth in silence for a while, and eventually Justin seemed more relaxed. He took the remote and picked another movie. Brian groaned and then eyed the dinner cart. Nothing appealed to him. He searched the mini bar area for snack food and came up empty. Finally he gave up and found the phone book. He watched as Justin eyed him quizzically. He smiled and ordered a pizza, calling down to the front desk to make sure they let the guy up.

Justin frowned. 

“What?”

“I want popcorn.”

Brian nodded and called down to the front desk again. They assured him they could provide that. Brian hung up and sat down on the floor in front of the bed. Justin joined him. They both continued to drink and watch the romantic comedy Justin had chosen, mocking it at every turn.

They both were laughing so hard they almost missed the knock on the door. Justin jumped up when it finally registered. “Think it’s the pizza or the popcorn?”

“Pizza.”

“Popcorn’s faster.”

“Not if some poor schmoe has to go out and get some first.”

“You don’t think they keep popcorn around?”

“It’s not on the menu at any of their fine dining establishments.”

“I’ll bet you it’s the popcorn.”

“Bet me? What are the stakes?”

“If it’s the popcorn, I get to pick the movies… in perpa… preppa… forever.”

“And if it’s the pizza?”

“Then you get to pick the movie next time.”

“You get to pick them in perpetuity, but I only get one veto option. How’s that fair?”

“It’s all about the gamble, Brian. Are you _sooo_ sure it’s the pizza?”

Brian nodded. “It’s the pizza.”

Justin moved towards the door, and it was, in fact, the pizza, with a man in a green coat and crisp white shirt, wheeling a large bowl of popcorn. Justin laughed. “It’s a tie.” He signed the check and the credit card slip from the pizza place, tipping both men well, and then shut the door behind him. “I guess it was a wash.”

Brian nodded and grumbled as Justin put the bowl of popcorn on top of the pizza box and walked them over towards Brian. 

“You’re gonna smash the lid and get cheese all over the top.”

“You’ll live.”

Brian frowned and Justin realized what he’d said. He took the popcorn bowl off the pizza box and almost dropped them both. Brian stood up and took the pizza from him. Justin put the popcorn bowl on the floor, and tried to get comfortable. Ultimately, he went to the bed and grabbed all the pillows. He also pulled two off of the chair and one off of the sofa. 

Brian sat back and watched as Justin build a little fort around the both of them and then leaned against Brian while he ate his popcorn… occasionally picking a piece of pepperoni off of one of Brian’s pizza slices.

They continued to drink and were both completely wasted by the time the overly pretty couple on screen melted into their close up kiss while the credits rolled.

Justin was still sitting up. Brian was laying on his back, his shoulders and head on Justin. Justin was running his fingers through Brian’s hair. “Should I cut my hair?”

“No.”

“I might look more…”

“Don’t cut your hair.”

Justin nodded. He ran a hand down under Brian’s loose white t-shirt, just drawing lazy circles with his fingers on Brian’s chest. “This is nice.”

Brian nodded. It was. 

“I miss this.”

“We never do this.”

“I mean just… Aaron and Lee, and Daphne’s so far away, and Matt and Jamison are moving in together.”

Brian looked up at him. “You miss time alone with me, or having friends who aren’t me?”

“Both I think. We’ve been so…”

“Fucked.”

“I think that’s the word. Cosmically, karmically fucked. Maybe we need to barricade ourselves more often.”

Brian finished his bottle and reached for another one. “Yeah. There’s a lot of stuff I probably should have done.”

“Should do. Probably should do. No past tense.”

Brian nodded and felt Justin’s fingers running softly through his hair. 

“Like what?” Justin continued. “What do you want to do that you haven’t?”

 

 

 

 

Justin watched as Brian seemed to consider the question and then take another drink. 

“I’d spend a little more time in Pittsburgh. See Mikey more. We’d move. You need more studio space and I need more closet space. I’d hire a couple more account execs, and maybe spend a few less hours a week at the office. I’d fuck you raw, and maybe get one of those saltwater aquariums installed in our new place.”

Justin’s body responded so quickly he thought it might have actually heard the words before Brian even said them. Brian turned his head to look up at Justin, but Justin was already dislodging himself, lowering Brian's head to the floor. He straddled Brian's hips with his knees, and leaned his head close. “What?”

“We’d have to get someone in on a regular basis to maintain it, but those saltwater aquariums look pretty cool.”

“The one before that.” Justin was almost growling.

“I want to fuck you raw. You have to know that.”

“I know _I_ want to, but…”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, I mean it. Tests and only fucking you and all of the bullshit that goes with it. I want to feel your hot wet ass around my cock. No condom. I want to fuck you and watch my come dripping out of your hole. I want you to fucking feel that. I want to fucking feel that.”

Justin kissed Brian then. The hot wet feel of Brian’s tongue just made him want it more. He kissed down Brian’s chest. Brian pulled him up and kissed him again, and then rolled them over 'til he was on top, his weight supported by his arms, his face hovering over Justin’s. Justin used the small space between them to wriggle out of his sweatpants. He pulled at Brian’s button fly and they both moved away from each other for just long enough to remove all of their clothing. Brian moved forward, aligning his cock with Justin’s, and letting their pre-come lube them both as they ground against each other.

Justin let his head fall back, let the feel of Brian’s cock sliding against his overtake him. He reached for Brian, eyes still closed and Brian pulled him forward, wrapping his arms around him. 

Brian was sitting up now, and Justin was on top of him, sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around Brian's shoulders, his legs wrapped around Brian’s waist. “Raw.”

Brian kissed Justin then, lifting him up as he stood. Justin unwrapped his legs and moved further up the bed. Brian was straddling his knees, reaching for the lube and drizzling it over Justin’s cock, letting it drip over his balls. Brian shifted his weight and Justin spread his legs. Wet warm fingers circled his hole and Justin thought he might cry with frustration and pleasure. The soft probing was delicious, but not what he wanted. What he wanted was Brian, naked, completely naked, no barriers, inside him. 

When Brian’s finger pushed into him, just barely inching inside, Justin gathered his control. He wouldn’t come just from this… but he wasn’t sure. He was close. “Brian.”

Brian hadn’t said a word or made a sound in a while. Justin opened his eyes and realized why. Brian’s control was being tested as well. The dark look in his half lidded eyes. The way his mouth was open, and the smell of desire that was drifting off of him, told Justin everything he needed to know. He wrapped his fingers around Brian’s wrist and pulled him forward. 

Brian inched his body over Justin’s until he was straddling his chest and Justin lifted his head to lick the bead of pre-come about to drop onto him. Brian slowly fed his cock to Justin, and he sucked him, licked him, felt the hot close glorious sensation of skin on skin, and wanted this moment to continue forever, and still wanted more. Brian pulled out when he was close, and Justin tried to restrain himself. His hands were on Brian’s hips and he didn’t want to let go. Brian pulled Justin’s hands away and held them over his head, moving his thighs down Justin's torso until their cocks were mashed together, pre-come and lube combining. Brian's hand encircled both their cocks, creating a warm passage. Justin arched into Brian’s touch, moaned when Brian began to move more quickly.

Brian’s hand was still on Justin’s wrists. Justin wanted his hands free. He wanted to touch Brian. He twisted his arms but Brian shook his head and leaned in to kiss him. He licked a hot wet swipe, tracing Justin’s ear. “You want me inside you right now.”

Justin nodded.

“Like this. Bareback. Nothing but you and me and…”

Justin came then, exploding across his belly and over Brian’s hand. Brian held off his own orgasm for a moment longer and then slowly jerked himself off onto Justin. 

Justin was floating, and when Brian’s hands moved to his stomach, wet with lube and their come, massaging it into his skin, he let his eyes remain closed and just reveled in the feel of desire and need. He let Brian mark him, scent him, own him and it was glorious. When Brian’s mouth followed his hands, licking and sucking, moving over his tummy, Justin watched and almost had a spontaneous orgasm as Brian’s tongue lapped the come out of his belly button. The image of the gleaming strand connecting Brian’s tongue and his body was too much. 

“Brian.”

Brian looked up and smiled, and Justin heard a sound that he knew came from the back of his own throat, and still didn’t recognize it as human.

Brian had released his wrists and Justin crossed his arms over his eyes, his legs spread wide, Brian kneeling between them, alternating licks on his belly with long swipes and intricate swirls over his cock. He bent his knees, planting his feet flat on the bed and lifted his ass, wanting Brian inside him, his tongue, his fingers, his cock, something, anything.

Brian’s hands were on Justin’s hips, pushing, just enough so that Justin understood and rolled over.

“Up.”

Justin felt his legs quiver as he followed Brian’s command. He felt the cool breath blow over his wet hole as Brian moved closer. Justin pushed back and Brian buried his face between Justin’s cheeks. Justin lowered his head to the pillow and gave up even trying not to moan.

 

 

Brian’s POV

I don’t know why I said it. Okay, yes I do. I said it because I don’t lie, and I was stoned and drunk and he wanted to hear it and I don’t lie and I want it. We both do. And now, with his thighs spread wide, his knees tucked as close to his body as he can get them, opening himself up to me I want it more than ever. I lean in and blow across his hole, taking a moment to appreciate the sight of his body quivering. I listen to the sounds he’s making, pure need. It shouldn’t be gratifying. It is. 

And then I plunge my tongue into him and the taste is something I’ll never be able to describe or give up. I’m jerking him off while I lick at each fold and wrinkle. He’s with me, but he’s also somewhere else. Somewhere in the future, a time when this leads to… fuck, I’m gonna come if I keep thinking about it, and I want this to last, I want to ride him into next week, or at least into tomorrow. Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough, and yet, I’d rather stay here forever than face the realities that we may be forced to address. 

He pulls away from me, and I look at him questioningly but apparently my momentary lapse of attention caught his, and now he’s decided that I’m not giving him what he wants quickly enough. He pushes me forward and before he gets any ideas, I roll over quickly. He smiles and uses his mouth to roll a condom over my cock. He’s riding me almost before I realize it. My hands move automatically to his hips. His hands meet mine and move them to his cock. His eyes haven’t left my face. His mouth is open, his lips wet and pink. I want to pull him in for a kiss, but when I move my hand towards the back of his head, he moves it back to his cock. 

He’s in that place again, the one without a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, the one without condoms. I want him back here with me, but that’s selfish, so I try to join him in what is apparently his happy place. I close my eyes and imagine, as he squeezes the base of my cock on the down stroke, that I can feel him, taste him, taste myself inside him, and now we’re together in that happy place. He’s moving quickly. I open my eyes and watch the muscles in his thighs flex under his skin. I speed up my hand’s rhythm on his cock, and he’s grinding down on me, not riding me so much as rocking against me, letting the head of my cock hit his prostate, and when he comes he doesn’t throw his head back. He keeps my gaze and collapses on top of me, kissing me and still moving a little, letting my cock bump his prostate again, sending shivers through his body. I run a hand through his sweaty hair and kiss him.

He’s half asleep, still on top of me. I’m still inside him. “No matter what happens you have to fight, Brian. Promise me.”

I can’t promise something like that right now, so I kiss his shoulder while his head is buried in my neck and wrap my arms around him tightly. We fall asleep like that.

 

 

Brian woke up early. Justin was already showered and dressed. 

“Coffee?”

Brian nodded, and Justin brought it over to the bed and sat on the edge. Brian moved his leg to give Justin more room. “Couldn’t sleep?”

 

Justin shook his head. “Not really. Good thing you got a whopping four hours.”

Brian took another sip of his coffee and then nodded slowly. “We have time, you know. Don’t have to be there 'til nine.”

They sat in silence, drinking coffee, each lost in their own thoughts. “So what happens today?”

Brian shrugged a little. “More pictures, x-ray, another CT scan, MRI, then more tests if…”

Justin took Brian’s free hand. “You’re going to be fine.”

Brian stood up. “I need a shower.”

Justin sat on the bed and picked at his fingernail. Brian hadn’t promised him anything last night. He stood up and paced for a few minutes, surveying the mess they’d made last night. Sofa and chair cushions strewn about, their fort dismantled. He started to pick them up and put them where they belonged when Brian stepped out of the bathroom.

“They have people to do that for you.”

Justin nodded and continued to put the sofa back together. Brian put on a pair of well-tailored dress pants and a shirt. Justin watched him and wondered. In the end he said nothing, and after a couple of minutes of Brian trying to decide on shoes, they left together.

As they walked down the hallway towards the doctor’s office, Justin suddenly felt sick. He reached for Brian’s hand. Brian stopped as he was opening the door and took a step back. He leaned against the wall a little, and pulled Justin to him. Then he put his hands on either side of Justin’s head and tilted it until their eyes met. “It’s going to be what it is. And we’ll do what we have to once we know. Okay?”

Justin nodded and blinked twice. 

“Okay?” Brian repeated, this time with a little more steel in his voice.

Justin inhaled deeply. “Okay.”

Brian kissed him on the forehead. Justin sat down as Brian signed in and then took the seat next to him. It was almost an hour later when they called Brian back. He asked someone something, and then turned and walked back to Justin. “This is gonna take a while. Possibly all day. Go to the art museum.”

Justin shook his head. “I’ll be here.”

“Justin, I can call you when I’m…”

“I’ll be right here.”

Brian nodded and turned back, shrugging to the nurse and, disappearing around a corner.

 

 

Brian’s POV

I would like to go on record as saying that this fucking sucks. Tests, and then more tests. X-rays and more blood work, another CT scan, an MRI. If I didn’t have cancer when I started, all the dyes and crap they’re pouring into my veins will make sure I do before they’re done.

I keep checking the clock, but there isn’t one. They don’t want you to notice how long you’re in here. I wonder about Justin. There’s no reason to. I know that. He said he’d be sitting there waiting, and he is. He’s sitting there… waiting. If this goes wrong, how long is he going to have to wait?

I build a little fantasy in my head while the MRI machine pulses. If I close my eyes and block out everything else I can imagine I’m at Babylon, that nothing’s going wrong and Angel doesn’t need me and that Justin and I are dancing. That he’s got that sweaty happy smiling thing going when he’s just drunk and stoned enough. I can imagine that he’s moving with me, his body pressed against mine, his hips keeping rhythm to the deep techno beat, his cock hard against my thigh. 

And if I don’t block out everything else, I have the same image except it’s not me he’s dancing with. That’s probably stupid, he wouldn’t dance at Babylon if I’m dead, but then, he’d own it, so who knows. 

There’s a part of me that wants to thank whoever he ends up with when I’m gone. A part of me that wants to explain the ins and outs of Justin Taylor, give him the care and feeding manual, and be appreciative that someone’s keeping him from being lonely. There’s a bigger part of me that wants to hit that guy really hard. I broke him in. I dealt with the teenage drama princess and the nightmares and the anger and the bullshit and taught him how to expect little and be happy with even less, and fuck you for moving in and taking advantage of all my hard work. Fuck you for letting him love you so easily that he remembers what an asshole I was for fighting it. Fuck you!

I’ve got to think about something else but moving on to worrying about Gus is just more of the same. Anger, a lot of it. Anger and fear together… I start to feel claustrophobic. I have no idea how long I’ve been lying still, but if I move now they have to start over. I fight the urge to move. I worry a little about Aaron, because he’s easier to worry about that Justin… until I think about it too much, and then I remember that all I’m doing is avoiding worrying about Justin. 

I’ve come up with three really amazing ways to make sure that Justin is well provided for when I’m gone, and about seven ways to also ensure that anyone he’s with ends up run over by a bus. I discard them, because in the end it just leaves me picturing Justin, alone, and that brings me back to wanting to thank whoever will make him smile again… god knows I don’t do it enough.

They finally tell me I can get up and then, wonder of wonders… dressed. I find a clock. It’s almost three; we’ve been here since nine. An orderly or something leads me back up the labyrinthine halls to the doctor’s office. They tell me to wait while the doctor reads the results. I nod and head back towards the waiting room.

Justin stands up as soon as he sees me. He looks as tired as I feel. I take his hand for a second, and then sit down. He stares at me, waiting.

“He’s got to read the results; we still don’t know anything.”

He seems to deflate. I put a hand on his knee and ask him the worst question in the world. 

He glares at me. I refuse to shrink back in my chair but he’s not fucking playing. “How could you ask me that?”

I flip through a magazine and shrug. Mostly I just avoid eye contact with him. He hits me in the arm, hard. I refuse to flinch.

“I know why you asked. I know you think this will somehow be easier if I’m mad at you, but it won’t, and you’re a selfish asshole.”

I nod. He’s not wrong.

 

 

Justin’s POV

The waiting is interminable, again. I pace for awhile but the receptionist glares at me. I sit and bite my nails. One of them starts to bleed so I move on to a different one. I try to read but it’s pointless. I almost feel hungry, but then I picture Brian, in a hospital gown, being tested and prodded while he plans an exit strategy. I lose my appetite.

I plan a hundred different ways to convince him that he’s worth the fight. In about a third of them he agrees with me. 

Finally he appears, looking fine, if a little tired. He sits next to me and tells me that we have to wait some more. I can wait forever as long as he’s sitting next to me. Solid and present. 

He puts his hand on my knee and I relax a little, even if I was hoping for an answer right fucking now. And then he opens his mouth and I consider walking away and never looking back.

“So, when I’m gone, do you think you’ll still do the older man thing, or go for someone younger?”

I turn to look at him because I think I might be having auditory hallucinations. He could not have asked me that, here, now, in the doctor’s waiting room. There’s no way those words just came out of his mouth, but he’s pretending to read a magazine and slouched in his seat like he’s trying to hide. I can’t help myself. I hit him in the arm. 

I know why he did it. I tell him, and he doesn’t disagree. I don’t care. It’s a shitty thing to do.

I tell him off, and then I turn facing forward, my posture stiff, my eyes fixed on an ugly painting on the wall. He tries to touch me and I pull away. He’s worth the fight, but that’s easy to forget when he’s being a complete douche bag.

I refuse to look at him again, and it takes another hour before they call him back to the doctor’s office. I stand up and he looks surprised. I give him a look, daring him to tell me to wait here. He doesn’t. He just follows the nurse, and I follow him.

 

 

Brian and Justin each took a chair across from the desk in the doctor’s office. He wasn’t there yet. They waited in silence. When he finally entered, he greeted Brian warmly, and Brian introduced Justin. Justin shook his hand and sat back down, fighting the urge to scream for the doctor to just tell them something, anything.

“Brian, this is the picture from Wednesday. If you’ll look here you can see the issue.” Brian squinted, and Justin noted to himself that if they got through this, he had the whole “see an eye doctor” nagging thing to do. But he leaned in and saw something. 

Brian nodded. “So how far along is it?”

 

The doctor put an x-ray onto the light board on the wall, and handed a couple of printouts to Brian of what Justin imagined were the CT and MRI results. “We couldn’t find the problem again this morning, not on the standard x-ray or on the other tests. Your blood work is fine. The anomaly could have been caused by many things, but was most likely an imaging error. There’s nothing that I can find wrong with you.”

Justin thought he could think of a few things, but as he was about to mumble something to that effect, the news hit him. There was nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. He looked over at Brian, who seemed to be taking the news with less enthusiasm than one would expect. 

“You’re sure?”

“Brian, you’re in excellent health; don’t seem so disappointed.”

Brian turned to Justin, who was still smiling. “So I guess you can put that decision off for a while.”

Justin glared for a second and then stood up. “Let’s go. I’m starving and we have to get back home. We’ve got things to do.”

“We do?’

Justin nodded and stood at the door waiting for Brian. As they left and got into the car, Justin felt his emotions about to boil over. He reined them in, and just smiled instead. “You’re a complete asshole.”

Brian nodded.

“I really should leave you.”

Brian nodded again.

“You’re pretty fucking sure you’re stuck with me.”

Brian smiled, and nodded. Justin laughed and turned up the radio. An hour later they were packed and checked out and heading back home.

As they crossed the border into New York, Brian put his hand on Justin’s knee. 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

  
  


* * *

## Keeping Time

## Chapter Two   


* * *

 

 

Brian and Justin were back in the loft by midnight. By one, they were both sweaty and sticky. Justin felt the buzz of sleep overtake him. He turned toward Brian and felt his arm pull him closer. He turned in his embrace until his chest was against Brian’s back. His hair tickled his neck each time Brian breathed. He let himself fall asleep. They had plenty of time to talk. 

The strong rich smell of coffee pulled Justin to semi-consciousness. He glanced at the clock; after ten. He yawned and stretched languidly, and then smiled widely when Brian handed him a steaming mug and sat down on the bed with one of his own. Brian also had his laptop with him.

“I want you to see this.”

Justin reluctantly put down his coffee mug so that he could sit up straighter. He retrieved it again and stared. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So you meant it.”

Brian didn’t take his eyes off the screen. “This place is too small. You need studio space. I need home office space that I don’t have to borrow from you, and…”

Justin bit his lip for a second. “It’s weird. I mean, I love this place. It’s the first place in New York that ever felt like home.”

Brian turned to look at Justin. “Do you want to stay? We don’t have to move.”

Justin shook his head. “I think you’re right. Besides, it feels like home because you’re here, and well, we did a lot of renovations.”

Brian clicked on another link. “This one has a full southern exposure, you’d get amazing light.”

“It’s too perfect.”

“There’s such a thing as too perfect?”

“There’s you.”

Brian scoffed. “You need more coffee. You’re delusional.”

“Where would the saltwater aquarium go?”

“I meant all of it, Justin… not just the part about more closet space.”

This time Justin had no regrets about putting down his coffee. He pushed at Brian’s laptop until Brian cleared his lap and Justin straddled his thighs. “All of it?”

Brian nodded. “I think so.”

Justin felt something tighten inside. He kissed Brian’s forehead and rolled back to sitting upright next to Brian. “When you’re sure, let me know. No hurry.” He took a large gulp from his coffee mug and watched as Brian clicked through housing options.

 

 

Brian’s POV

Fuck. 

 

 

Brian continued to look at real estate possibilities while considering what to say next. He hadn’t meant to pull back, had honestly not planned it. He wanted it when he said it in Baltimore. He wanted it now. He saved a page with a likely condo prospect and put the computer down. Apparently he was going to have to actually talk.

“Justin.”

“Hmmm?”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay. You didn’t actually think you were going to have to act on it when you said it. I’ve never asked you for monogamy. I’m not asking now.”

“Twat, I didn’t mean I wasn’t sure. I am.”

“You are?”

Brian watched Justin’s smile. It was a slow build, as if he was unsure, and that just pissed Brian off. He bit back the snarky reply and went with sincere, ignoring the addendums, codicils and qualifiers that his brain tried to automatically inject into his words.

“I am. I want you. All of you, nothing but you, no _one_ but you.”

“But…”

“I’m telling you what I want. Now, here, after my morning cup of coffee, before my evening beer, or twelve, without facing the possibility of surgery and radiation. I want us to stop fucking other people. I want to fuck you. Raw.”

Justin nodded, and swallowed hard. 

“It’s okay if that’s not what you want. It wasn’t what I wanted at your age either.”

“Brian, I can honestly say this. You have _never_ been my age.”

“Probably not, you seemed to have managed to bypass adolescence. I managed to extend it for a while.”

“So do me a favor.”

“Mmm?”

“Don’t pretend to know what I’m thinking about this.”

“Okay.”

Justin fiddled with his now empty coffee mug while Brian pretended to read his email. Finally he gave up and asked. “What _do_ you think about this?”

“I think I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I think you’re right. I think it’s time.”

“But you have reservations.”

“We’ve talked about those.”

“You’re still afraid I’m going to turn into a pod person?”

“I’m afraid you’re going to feel trapped, and don’t look at me like that. It’s a valid concern.”

“Not anymore.”

“Fine. We’ll do this. But, and this is important, I’m okay if we don’t. If two months from now you’re at the gym and you want to get your dick sucked, I won’t be heartbroken, unless you don’t tell me. This is another one of those communication things.”

“Do you honestly think I _can’t_ do it?”

 

“Can’t and won’t are two different things.”

“And which do you think I’m dealing with?”

“Honestly, at this moment? Neither. In six weeks, could be either. This is more than asking for honesty. This is demanding a certain level of openness, and that’s the part that I’m not sure you’ve mastered yet.”

“I tell you everything.”

“No, you tell me everything you want me to know.”

Brian nodded, Justin wasn’t wrong. “So we try this for six months.”

“Three.”

“Three is safe, six is safer.”

“Brian…”

“It’s non-negotiable.”

“You’re such an overprotective control freak.”

“It’s true. I am. But ninety days vs. a lifetime, we can wait.”

 

 

Justin’s POV

He means it. A _lifetime_. He really fucking means it. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how a conversation about fucking raw became the least sexy thing we’ve ever done together in bed, but he’s not kidding about non-negotiable. I do the math in my head; it’s been at least a week since I was with anyone else, probably more like two. I have no idea how long it’s been for Brian. The only thing I know for sure is he didn’t fuck anyone in Baltimore, so that’s two days. 

I nod. “Starting today?”

“Today.”

“So we’re good on July twelfth.”

“Yeah.”

“And until then we’re…”

“Not fucking anyone else.”

Justin smiled and was about to push Brian’s laptop off his thighs so that he could take that space for himself, when a loud clatter in the living room startled them both.

“I’ll go.”

Brian nodded and didn’t look up from the computer. Justin knew he just didn’t feel like dealing with Aaron, or Lee, or the both of them together. After he pulled on a pair of sweats and dug a white t-shirt out of his still unpacked bag, he took both the empty coffee mugs and went to see what crisis awaited him in the living room.

Aaron looked up from the table when Justin opened the dishwasher. “You’re up.”

“Seems that way.”

“Sorry, did we wake you?”

“We?”

 

“Lee’s taking a shower.”

“What broke?”

“Huh?”

Justin stood behind the counter with his arms crossed. “Weren’t you two moving back to his place? I swear I remember the plan being that by the time I was back from Australia, you’d be living in domestic bliss.”

“We are just… not yet.”

Justin shrugged and decided now was not the time to tell Aaron he and Brian were moving. “So what broke?”

“Nothing, I just…”

Justin followed Aaron’s gaze. “You just threw your brace across the room.”

“Yeah.”

“Even though you’re still supposed to be wearing it.”

“Yeah.”

“Any idea how you’re going to go get it when your crutches are over here and your brace is over there?”

Aaron smiled. “That’s what big brothers are for.”

Justin sighed and retrieved the brace. He let it clank on the dining room table. Aaron smiled and Justin headed back to the bedroom. When he looked back before shutting the bedroom door behind him, he saw Aaron swallow a pill dry and remembered one of the myriad of reasons they’d gone to another hemisphere so recently. He sat back on the bed and sighed. Brian was on the phone.

“Yes, Mmm hmmm. 4890174. Tomorrow’s fine. Okay. Yes. Three today?” he looked over at Justin and shrugged. Justin shrugged and nodded. “Three today would be fine. We’ll meet you there. You too.”

Justin waited.

“We’ve got an appointment to see this place at three.”

Justin looked at the floor plan and nodded. “Might work. We may need to get an in-law suite.”

Brian looked at him and then at the door and then back at Justin… “More delays?”

“I don’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t seem to be leaving.”

“Well, he’s not coming with us.”

“So you wanna play marriage counselor?”

Brian closed the laptop and put it on the floor. “The realtor’s coming tomorrow to price this place so we can get it on the market.”

“Wow, that’s… fast.”

Brian rolled over, his mouth at Justin’s groin. “We may wait 'til we have some idea of where we’re going.”

Justin leaned back against the headboard and let Brian’s mouth work his cock for a moment. “Wait, to see a place like this we’d have to be approved.”

“We will be. He’s running my credit now.”

“ _Your_ credit?”

Brian sat back and shook his head. “Let’s just forget the whole moving thing. It’s not worth it if it keeps me from getting laid on a Saturday morning.”

“Just your credit.” Justin refused to be derailed.

“You think your credit is going to get us approved for a multi-million dollar mortgage?” 

“It might.”

“In what world?”

Justin laughed. “Gayopolis?”

 

“So my credit. I promise I won’t kick you out.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I can.”

“What else can you do?” Justin’s voice was lower now and he watched Brian’s reaction with a small satisfied smile that he hid behind blinking eyes and a smirk.

“Lots of things,” Brian replied as he rolled back over Justin’s legs and took him fully into his mouth.

 

 

Brian’s POV

Classic. We get past a bunch of shit and when things finally seem to be calming down, I open my mouth and we’re back to complicated. I hate that word, but Justin’s not wrong, everything we do just seems to be full of complication. Probably because we’re both insane.

I run my tongue under the head of his cock and hear him let out a soft sigh, his body relaxing into my touch. He’s not sure I want this? He doesn’t think I can do this? That bothers me more than the concept of Aaron and Lee living with us forever, and that’s saying something. 

I take him to the back of my throat and then release him completely. He opens his eyes and move back, pulling his legs 'til he’s flat on his back and then I crawl up his body and cover his mouth with my own. His legs wrap around my waist, his thighs gripping me tightly. I lean back a little. “I want this, Justin.”

He nods. I hate talking and now I want to keep saying it. I want to repeat it until it’s burned into his brain and he can’t question it. I fleetingly wonder if he’s projecting. That’s something I’ll worry about later. Right now I don’t want to worry about anything. I want to be inside him. He wants that too.

His hands move from my biceps and reach for the lube. I’m still on top of him but I feel the slippery warmth as he strokes his cock and then pushes a finger inside himself. I groan and he hands me a condom. I groan louder but for a different reason. I open the package with my teeth and he takes it from me, letting his hands slide between us and rolling it down my cock. His hands are warm and slick and as he strokes me I’m not sure I’m going to make it inside him. He seems to realize how close I am and slows down. One hand on my neck pulling me in for a kiss the other sliding over my shaft, while he arches into me, his knuckles grazing his cock while his palm caresses mine. 

I no longer care about anything else. I could stay in this moment forever. My tongue inside his mouth, our bodies so close there’s no more contact possible. His thighs are slippery now too, and he crosses his ankles behind my back. His hand grasps the base of my cock and then twists as he moves towards the head. He guides me inside him. How can he possibly think I don’t want this? There’s no one and nothing that can rival what it feels like to be inside him, to be _with_ him. I try to keep from thinking about how much better it will be in six months but I can’t help myself and I’m moving inside him, fast short sharp thrusts, hitting his prostate and relishing his moans. I kiss him again, swallowing his sounds. He’s close. His heart is pounding against his ribs, his hand is still between us, focusing on his own cock now. His movements match mine. 

I feel his body tense and then grasp me tighter as he comes. I follow close behind him. As I lie half on top of him and half on the mattress and feel his heart beating, as I smell that musky odor that’s all him, I find the energy to run my hand through his hair. Random tricking versus this? I’m not worried. 

 

 

Brian rolled off of him and Justin sat up. Brian stood up and offered Justin a hand. He took it and together they walked toward the shower. Hours later they met the realtor. He was a little over-zealous, and Justin made a mental note to call his mother and see if she knew a good realtor for the city. This guy bugged him.

They walked through the large space and Justin pretended to be considering it, but he’d known the minute they’d walked in that it was wrong. It was expensive but fuck the price, it was wrong. Crystal chandeliers and a split curved staircase? The whole thing was too formal. In his mind he tried to rearrange the space and shook his head. 

Brian slung an arm over his shoulder and the realtor pretended to have to make a phone call, leaving them alone to talk. “It’s wrong.”

Brian nodded.

“We’d have to spend way too much to make this work for us.”

“I agree.”

“And it’s too formal, and I’m not really looking to live at Tara.”

“Justin…”

“I mean I suppose we can change the fixtures, and pull out the stairs but then the bedroom configuration is still…”

“Justin… I agree. We move on.”

“Okay.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon and much of the evening looking at places that were clearly meant for people who lived very different lives. When they got home it was after eight and they were both wired and aggravated. “Want to go out?”

 

Justin looked up and smiled. “Yes.”

Brian nodded and they changed. Justin was rolling, his arms draped over Brian’s shoulders, his head thrown back and reveling in the feel of Brian’s mouth on his neck, his ear, his shoulder. Brian’s hands were warm and as he ran his thumbs over Justin’s nipples Justin ground his crotch against Brian's. “Take me home and fuck me.”

Brian, apparently, didn’t need to be asked twice.

 

 

“What the fuck is this?”

Justin had stumbled out of bed to get some coffee. Aaron was waving a sheet of paper in Justin’s face. Justin looked at it blearily but couldn’t focus. He took it from Aaron’s hand and walked towards the coffee maker. Once the beans were ground and the coffee started he stared at the paper in front of him. Aaron’s face was grim, his arms crossed in front of him. “Well?”

Justin bit back a laugh. “We’re thinking about moving.”

“But…”

“We need more space. I need a studio. Brian wants to move.”

“But…”

“What?”

“I live here.”

“You’re moving too. Six months ago you couldn’t wait to get the fuck away from us.”

“You made me give up my dorm room.”

“It was on the third floor. You weren’t up to stairs then. Besides, aren’t you and Lee…?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No way. I can’t live with him.”

“When did that happen?”

“It’s always been true. I just never noticed before.”

“So find a roommate, get a place.”

“With what money?”

“You can stay with us 'til you get some money together, but Aaron, you can’t stay here forever.”

Brian emerged from the bedroom and poured himself a cup of coffee. “You graduate in May?”

Aaron nodded. 

“So you’ll find a job in June, and I’ll give you a hand with first and last.”

“But…”

“We’re not moving for a couple of months.”

“So I’ve got time.”

“You’ve got three months and last I checked, you are still the most overpaid part time receptionist I’ve ever had.”

Aaron smiled. “I’ll find something.”

Brian sipped at his coffee and nodded. “Glad that’s settled.”

Justin said nothing and took his coffee to the studio. 

Less than a half hour later Brian was leaning against the doorjamb, arms crossed. “You don’t want him to stay?”

 

“You’re the one who wanted him gone.”

“He’s got to finish school.”

Justin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know. I just don’t know how this happened.”

“Yes you do.”

“Right, my life, it’s chronically complicated.”

“Having your brother here doesn’t make things complicated.”

“He and Lee are apparently complicated.”

“Well, he’s got your genes, he was bound to have more in common with you than a stubborn streak.”

“I’m not stubborn.”

Brian raised an eyebrow and Justin smiled a little. “Okay, maybe I’m a little stubborn.”

“The realtor called. He wants to show us something.”

“Great, more ridiculously expensive places that have no flow.”

“Probably. You call your mother?”

“Yeah, she gave me the name of a woman she met at some conference.”

“And…”

“And I’ll call her tomorrow, you know, during business hours.”

Brian nodded and took a couple of steps forward. “This for the show?”

“Not sure yet.”

Brian leaned down and kissed Justin and then left. Justin closed the door and turned up the music. He shut his brain to everything but the work he was doing.

 

 

The realtor came and Brian gave him a tour. He nodded and showed Brian some of the comps in the area. Brian was listening with half an ear. He heard the music stop in the studio and a few minutes later Justin was sitting next to him, paint on his fingers but his shirt was at least clean. 

The realtor smiled and Brian turned the laptop towards Justin so he could see the place they were supposed to go see later. Justin shook his head. “It’s not right.”

“Well, it’s hard to tell from photos…”

Justin cut the realtor off. “I’ve seen enough photos of places to know when something isn’t where I want to live.”

Brian shrugged. “Anything else you want us to look at?”

“There are a few possibilities, but they’re by appointment only. I’ll call you.”

Brian slid the laptop back towards the realtor who closed it and gathered his papers quickly. When Brian had seen him to the door he headed back to Justin who was still at the dining room table. “You’re that sure?”

“Brian, I do this for a living.”

“Did that for a living. And we can do whatever renovations you want, within reason.”

“I’d want to gut that entire place and start from scratch.”

“Well, yeah, that’s probably outside the range of reason.”

“So what else is new? You didn’t sign with that guy did you?”

“No.”

“Good. I don’t think he gets what we need. What’s he say our place is worth?”

“More than we paid, less than I think we should get for it.”

“So we’ll talk to Joanne tomorrow.”

“Joanne?”

“My mother’s friend.”

“Right.” Brian stood up and stared at the inside of the refrigerator for several minutes. “we have no food.”

“You sound surprised.”

“I’m not. Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

Justin nodded. “Let me change my jeans.”

Two hours later they’d both finished off a couple of bottles of wine and Justin was smiling. Brian relaxed a little. “Do you want to move?”

“What?”

“I said I wanted to. You haven’t said anything other than to nod at the general concept.”

Justin seemed to think about it. “I need studio space now. Three shows coming up, and my agent thinks there are a few commissions that might come my way after the first or second show. People she has on the line, etc.”

Brian nodded and noted to himself that Justin hadn’t really answered the question. He tried again. “There’s nothing wrong with where we live now. You can redesign the space if you want.”

Justin shook his head. “You need more closet space and even if I give up my office so you can have it, _and_ I rent a studio, we’ll end up turning Gus’s room into a walk in closet, and the studio into Gus’s room, which, I can’t help noticing, is actually Aaron’s room. Lee is here as much as he’s at his own place, and you and I both know Aaron’s not gonna have the money to get his own place, even with a roommate, in three months, and even if he could, you’d bitch about his safety and the neighborhood, and I’d agree with you, so…”

“So you _want_ to move?”

Justin ran his finger over the rim of his empty wine glass and when the waiter came by he ordered a dirty martini. Brian ordered a scotch and something chocolate with two forks. Justin gave him a surprised look. “It’s after seven.”

“Fuck the carbs.”

Justin smiled a little drunkenly and finished his martini in record time. The waiter brought him a refill.

“You don’t want to move.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Since when do we need words?”

“Since you’ve started jumping to conclusions.”

“No jumping. But you…”

“I didn’t say I don’t want to move. There are a lot of good reasons for moving.”

Dessert came and Brian handed Justin a fork. He seemed to consider the dessert and then put his fork down. “I don’t have the time to work that off.”

“Afraid you’re getting fat?”

“Just not a teenager anymore.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

Justin said nothing.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Over-think whatever it is you’re pondering. I don’t care that you’re not some teenaged twink anymore. Kind of glad you got past that stage, actually.”

“You are?”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and finished his own drink. “Justin, what the fuck is wrong?”

“Nothing. And before you ask. Nothing, nothing, not nothing to worry about, nothing.”

“So…”

Justin nodded. “Yeah… so… we find a place and make it a home. We’re good at that, right?”

The waiter returned and Brian signed the check. They left and were still a little drunk when they stumbled through the door. “Shhhh. You’ll wake Aaron and Lee.”

“They’re at Lee’s tonight.”

Justin looked up at Brian. “How do you know that?”

 

“Lee told me.” Brian was working his fingers under the fabric of Justin’s shirt. “We’ve got the place to ourselves.”

“That _is_ new.”

Brian silenced Justin with a kiss while his hands slid up Justin’s back, pulling him closer. Justin’s hands were busy with Brian’s shirt buttons. Brian’s mouth seemed reluctant to lose contact with Justin’s, but when it became absolutely necessary he found other soft skin to lick and nibble. By the time they’d made it to the sofa, their clothes left behind them in small piles, both were breathing hard.

“Brian, god, I want you.” Justin let himself fall backwards over the arm of the sofa and reached out a hand. Brian took it and sprawled on top of Justin. Kissing his neck, licking along his collarbone and then biting his earlobe before kissing him again. The rough hot feel of Justin’s tongue pushing past his lips made Brian groan. 

Justin knowing what he wanted and working towards it was always a beautiful thing to see, but when he wanted Brian like this, there was nothing better. Justin’s hands were moving under the sofa cushions. Brian reached over to the ottoman and flipped the top off, grabbing what Justin was looking for. “We moved them, remember?”

Justin took the wrapper from Brian’s hand. “I can’t wait, you know. I think I hate these things.”

“They serve a purpose.”

“Yeah, but soon…”

“I know.” Brian’s drizzled the lube over Justin’s cock, and watched as he squirmed. He leaned back just to get a better view. Justin’s leg was thrown over the back of the sofa, his other foot planted on the floor. He arched up as Brian's fingers circled his hole. His hands joined Brian’s and he pressed a finger inside himself before Brian had a chance to. 

“C’mon. Now.”

Brian slid his cock between Justin’s spread cheeks and pressed inside, joining Justin's finger. He let his head fall back while Justin turned his hand. Only a little more than the head of Brian’s cock was inside him and Justin’s finger was stroking the tip, pressing a little on the slit through the condom. He moved his other hand down to roll Brian’s balls in his slicked palm.

Brian moaned and wrapped his fingers around Justin’s wrist, pulling his hand away, not wanting this to be over before it even got started. Justin’s hands moved to Brian’s thigh, pulling him forward while rolling his body under Brian’s until Brian was buried deep inside him. Justin clamped down on him, his hands still on Brian’s ass, pulling him in deeper, his lubed fingers circling Brian’s hole while Brian gritted his teeth and focused on anything that would stave off his orgasm.

When he had himself back under some semblance of control, he rocked back into Justin, covering him with his body, holding himself up on his elbows just enough to prevent Justin suffocating. They moved together then, Brian making short thrusts while Justin’s hands pulled Brian closer, kneading Brian’s muscles as his fingers flexed and curled in rhythm with Brian’s movements inside him. 

They were both sweaty and smiling. Justin’s cock, slick and hard rubbing against Brian’s abdomen. Their mouths fused together, their bodies locked in a carnal embrace. He felt Justin come. Watched as Justin closed his eyes, his entire body stiffening, staying completely still while his come gushed hot and wet against their bellies. Brian’s orgasm followed closely, his rhythm erratic, his face a grimace that belied the intense pleasure. And when Justin’s body went a little limp Brian relaxed and buried his head in Justin’s shoulder.

Justin’s fingers stayed inside Brian, and Brian stayed inside Justin while they both continued to kiss and nuzzle one another for a few moments. When Justin’s fingers pulled out, his arms stretched above his head, his legs moving together, tangled with Brian’s, Brian looked up and kissed the corner of his mouth. He pulled out and stood up, tossing the condom before returning to the sofa. Justin straddled his lap, taking Brian’s face in his hands. He kissed him again and settled his as on Brian’s knees. “I don’t care where we live, as long as we’re together.” The sentiment was followed by a deep kiss and Brian wondered who Justin was trying to convince.

 

 

Aaron’s POV

I come home, well, back, this isn’t supposed to be my home, and Brian and Justin are naked and asleep on the sofa. I don’t even bother to wake them. It’s almost three in the morning, and I was supposed to spend the night at Lee’s; that didn’t work out. I don’t know what his issue is lately but he better get around to telling me, and soon. We were supposed to be living together already. He’s dragging his feet. So fine, we won’t live together. I’m okay with that except I now have to find someplace on my own.

I know Brian said he’d help, and he will, and god knows he pays me pretty well, especially when you consider that with my new school schedule I can only work about fifteen hours a week. He gave me a raise before school started back up. Well, he didn’t actually come right out and say so but when my paycheck made no sense I checked with Cynthia, who nodded and told me it was right. I called Ted. He promised me Brian wouldn’t kick my ass if I cashed it. I really am severely overpaid for the amount of work I don’t do, but I can’t expect Brian to keep that up once I’ve got my degree. 

My foot slides out from under me in the shower and I almost fall. Fucking hip, still not working right. Partially because I don’t put my weight on it the way I’m supposed to. I just kind of lean. Fucking Lee notices when I do that, he puts his arm around my shoulder like he’s being caring, and then presses down so that I’m standing on both legs. It feels weird, like I’m doing something wrong, like it’s going to just pop out again. The doctor says it’s a normal fear. I say I’m just a gimp… just one more thing I have in common with Justin, I guess.

As soon as I get out of the shower I take a couple of pills. I hurt. It hurts, besides, I’m not tired and I need to sleep. I’m almost asleep when my phone rings. Lee. I think about not answering it and then I think about Brian and Justin, asleep, naked, in the living room, and the possibility of Lee banging on the door. I answer the phone.

“What.”

 

“Where are you?”

What the fuck? He’s not stupid. He knows where I am. “Guess.”

“We were gonna do something tomorrow.”

“We still can.” He sighs and I can picture him pulling his hair off his face and holding it back at the nape of his neck. He does that when he’s stressed. I’m stressing him out. I have been since those guys attacked me. I don’t have the energy for this. “Lee, I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning.”

“No shit.”

“Goodnight, Aaron. I love you.”

“Yeah.” I hang up. I love him too.

 

 

By the time Justin and Brian woke up enough to make their way to the bed it was almost five. Justin stopped for a second and listened to the music barely audible escaping from under Aaron’s door. “Aaron came home.” 

Brian shrugged. 

“Something’s up with him.”

“Nothing new. He’s taking too many pills and angry at the world because his hip always hurts.”

“That’s because…”

Brian shook his head. “We both know what this is.”

“Are we going to keep pretending we don’t?”

 

Brian closed his eyes and nodded. “For the next several hours, while we’re all asleep, yes.”

“And then?”

“Come to bed, Justin.”

Justin kissed Brian and padded off in the other direction. “I’m gonna work a little bit.”

 

 

 

Justin’s POV

This painting’s almost done. Tomorrow I’m hoping to work on one of the ideas I’ve only sketched so far but I don’t know if I’ll get to. First I have to call the realtor, and then I have to talk to Aaron, and possibly Lee. Michael called me last night. I have to call him back too. I have a meeting with my agent on Tuesday, so I need to be ready for that. 

I’m mixing colors and concentrating on the painting. I’m _not_ thinking about how much this place means to me. It’s not the loft. It’s just a place we bought, four walls and a ceiling, and no, I don’t give a shit about the top of the line appliances or imported Italian fixtures because fuck it. We’ll have those wherever we go. And that’s why I’m so confused. We’ll have each other wherever we go, so what the fuck is up with me caring where that is?

I’ve lived in so many places in the last eleven years, so very very many, and wow, this is actually the longest I’ve ever lived in one. Maybe I got attached.

But I’m not. I don’t need the office as much anymore, and Brian _does_ need office space. I take a step back to survey what I’ve done and hit my elbow on a stack of canvases. It hurts and yeah, I need a bigger studio… _home_. Fuck. Okay, so this feels like home. A new place will feel like home too… right?

I stop thinking and go back to painting.

 

 

A week later Brian and Justin were walking through their thousandth possibility while Justin picked apart every detail, dismissing the entire layout in general and then narrowing his focus to specific flaws. The realtor seemed to be doing her best to remain positive. Brian didn’t bother.

“We’re done. We’ll call you. Don’t schedule anything else 'til we call.”

She nodded and Justin looked at Brian questioningly. “You don’t want to look anymore.”

“ _You_ don’t want to look. You never did.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Never mind. When you’re ready to move, let me know. I have to get back to the office.”

Brian hailed a cab and Justin turned in the opposite direction, heading back home.

Brian came home sometime after eight. Justin was in the studio with the door closed and the music blaring. He got himself a beer and sat down on the sofa with some information he needed to familiarize himself with before his meeting on Thursday. 

He was trying to concentrate, but Aaron and Lee were having some kind of communication breakdown, loudly, in Aaron’s room. Aaron’s room that was supposed to be Gus’ room. After he’d read the same paragraph four times he walked into the bedroom and pulled the door shut behind him, probably a little loudly. Really, doors _did_ have their purposes.

At eleven Justin dropped his clothes in the hamper and took a long shower. When he slid into bed Brian opened his mouth to say something but Justin stopped him. “It’s not that I don’t want to move.”

“So…”

“I just like this place. It’s home. It’s like, my first home. Yeah, the loft, and yes that’s ours now, completely, but we don’t _live_ there. So it’s harder for me to let it go. It’s all the same bullshit, Brian. The same reason I couldn’t call Pittsburgh home, even when it was. It’s all me being a fucking neurotic mess who got used to never buying anything that wouldn’t fit in a duffle bag. And then we moved here and bought furniture. Don’t roll your eyes. You love the furniture. But you know, I just didn’t consider what the thought of leaving again would feel like.”

“So we won’t move.”

“No. I’m being neurotic and we’re moving.”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

Justin slammed his hand down against the duvet. “I just said we should.”

“But not that you want to.”

“I want to.”

“Don’t start lying to me now.”

“Brian.”

“Justin.”

“Call the realtor, set up some more appointments.”

Brian shook his head. “Last time I drove you crazy you ended up with a brain tumor. I’m not doing that again.”

“That was, in no way, the last time you drove me crazy.”

“Really?”

“You know this. Don’t try to tease me out of a bad mood.”

“You’re in a bad mood? I hadn’t noticed.”

Justin smiled and Brian watched as he tried to suppress it. 

“Justin, it’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t. I finally get over a whole load of bullshit and now I’m upset about the concept of moving. I, Justin Taylor, vagabond, am upset about moving. It’s stupid.”

Brian ran a hand along Justin’s thigh. “You’re not stupid, and you were never a vagabond.”

“Whatever. Let’s go look at more places. Maybe I’ll get excited once I see something that doesn’t feel wrong.”

“Maybe you’ll see something that doesn’t feel wrong once you’re okay with moving.”

“Wow, I thought we’d gotten out of the circular argument habit.”

“Hey, look, you were wrong, what are the odds?”

Justin shot Brian and look and Brian smirked. “I’ll set up some more appointments, but if you don’t want to move, just fucking tell me you don’t want to move.”

“I’m tired. Tonight it just sounds like a lot of work.”

“What if we schedule it so that the move takes place the week you’re visiting Molly, then you just… come home to a new home.”

“A new home in which you’ve commandeered all the closet space and decorated the whole thing in early Italian chrome? Nice try.”

“We could hire professionals and go live in the loft for a month.”

“We could just move back to Pittsburgh. Live in the loft.”

Brian stared at him. “Do you want to move back to Pittsburgh? Cause we can get something smaller here and move there.”

“No. I like it here, mostly. And it would… no, I want to live here.”

“In this apartment.”

“In New York, with you.”

“Got news for you. You’ll be living with me wherever you go.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’m not fucking anyone else, so you’re gonna have to stay nearby.”

“Oh shit, I’m gonna be too tired to work, ever.”

“Maybe.” Brian rolled on top of Justin and kissed him. Justin kissed him back and whispered in his ear. “It’s okay, I’m okay, call the realtor tomorrow.”

Brian nodded, and when they fell asleep the sheets were tangled around their ankles and their bodies were tangled around each other.

 

 

A week later they had dismissed at least another nine potential places for various reasons. Neither was particularly hopeful today, but Justin met Brian at the entrance to the building. Justin noticed that Joanne was doing an admirable job of hiding her annoyance. They were both running late. 

Justin stared at the outside of the building for a minute and then laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

Joanne and Brian both looked confused. “It’s close to KinnetiK’s offices and in one of the neighborhoods you expressed an interest in. Is there something wrong?”

Justin shook his head. “Nothing, let’s go.”

They were silent in the elevator and when they exited Justin laughed harder. “Brian, I did work here.”

Brian lifted an eyebrow. “So it has to have great flow right?”

Joanne unlocked the door. Justin took Brian’s hand and led him quickly through the large open spaced living area, ignoring completely Joanne’s monologue about great light and top of the line whatever. 

“Justin.”

“Brian, look.” He walked him through the master suite. The sitting room led to the bedroom. 

“Okay, it’s big.”

“Yeah, and there are other cool things about this place, but I have to show you this.” He led Brian into a well-lit room fully laid out in almost the exact configuration of Brian’s closet at the loft.

“Did you do the loft or this one first?”

“The loft. But that’s not what I wanted to show you.” Justin flipped a switch. The lights dimmed and a mirrored disco ball spun from the ceiling. 

Brian laughed. “Really?”

“And look.” Justin hit another button on the wall and the lighting changed again. “He drove the electrician nuts but he wanted to be able to alter the lighting so he could decide how he’d look in any situation.”

“Even I’m not that vain.”

“Yes you are. And this place has a maid’s quarters. Do you know what that means?”

“That we’re going to have to pay a live in maid?”

“No, that Aaron will be all the way on the other side of the place, with his own bathroom and small kitchen, oh, and there’s a breakfast kitchen outside the master. But Brian, that’s not even the best part.”

“So what is?”

Justin kissed Brian, and then led him up the second staircase to the large loft space. All three sides were floor to ceiling windows, and a half wall allowed you to view the entire space at once. 

Brian smiled. “Good light. The carpets have to go. Maybe polished cement floors.”

Justin smiled. “That’s what I was thinking. The kitchen needs work and the guy’s taste is for shit but this is…”

Brian leaned against the half wall. “The smell of turpentine and paint is going to be everywhere; we should make this a full wall.”

“If you want to we can, ‘cause I blare my music when I’m working.”

Brian nodded. “I guess headphones are out of the question?”

“Brian, I think I want this place.”

Brian smiled. “Finally.”

“So we’ll make an offer?”

“Can I see the rest of it or is this solely your decision?”

“Oh, yeah, there are three more bedrooms, a study, and the guy’s media room is intense. Plus tons of open space and the walls, god, we could actually buy some of those paintings that we’ve never had space for.”

“Or you could put your own work up.”

Justin shook his head. “I can’t stand staring at my paintings once they’re done. Every time I walk by one I’ll want to take it down and fix it.”

Brian laughed. “Interesting mental image. HEY!”

“What?”

“When did we decide Aaron was definitely factoring into the buying decision?”

“Isn’t he?”

“Probably. He’s young, but he will move out eventually right?”

 

“Yeah, when he’s ready.”

They walked through the place and politely listened to Joanne extol the virtues of the layout and features while Brian and Justin both mentally ripped out what they hated and appreciated the parts they liked. 

“You’re right about his taste.”

“I know. That rug is…scary.”

“Well, I’m sure he’s taking it with him.”

“And I’m not sure we need a dining room table that seats forty.”

“I’m sure we don’t.”

“So, should I prepare an official offer?” Joanne asked and Justin couldn’t help but be amused. They really had run her ragged. Justin looked at Brian and Brian nodded. 

“Yeah, put the paperwork together. In this market I can’t get away with offering less than asking price can I?”

Joanne shrugged. “You can try but the place has only been on the market for a week and there have been several showings.”

“Offer him full asking, I guess.”

Justin squeezed Brian’s hand. “It’s not a contest. You’re not losing.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t.”

“I will.”

Joanne’s phone rang. She smiled apologetically and moved to another room to take the call.

They stood in the middle of the new space, huge white walls, floating staircase, more space than even the expanded loft offered. “Brian, we can afford this right? I know it’s the first place we’ve seen that I like but…”

Brian kissed him. “Don’t worry about it. We’re fine.”

“Okay but…”

“Do you not want this place? We haven’t signed anything.”

Justin hopped up and sat on the kitchen counter. “I want it. I wanted it when I first did the work on it…”

“But because it’s pretty, not because it feels like home.”

“Something like that.”

Brian stood between Justin’s knees and Justin leaned down to kiss him.

“You know, by the time the renovations are done, and we’re actually living here it’ll probably be July.”

“July.”

“I’ll bet the minute I fuck you raw, here, for the first time, it’ll feel like home.”

Justin slid off the counter and wrapped his arms around Brian’s waist, laying his cheek against Brian’s chest. “Yeah.” He sighed.

Brian’s hand was running though the hair on the back of Justin’s neck. Justin felt Brian kiss the top of his head. He looked up and smiled. “This’ll make a good home.”

Brian leaned his forehead against Justin’s. “Home.”


	3. Chapter 3

 

  
  


* * *

## Keeping Time

## Chapter Three   


* * *

 

 

Aaron was sitting at the table, his eyes half closed. Lee was glaring at him. Justin chose to ignore the situation and just pour himself some coffee and disappear into his studio. Aaron had a class sometime today. They had to leave eventually.

His music was blaring and he was covered in paint when he heard them yelling. Justin considered ignoring it, but if they were yelling loudly enough for him to hear it over his music and through a closed door, something was seriously wrong. He braved the world outside his painting, steeling himself with a deep breath. 

Lee was leaning forward, his face inches from Aaron’s. Aaron’s arms were crossed; he was leaning back in the dining room chair and glaring. Justin closed the door hard enough for them to notice they were no longer alone. They both looked up quickly.

“Hey, Justin.”

Justin nodded at Aaron and looked over at Lee. “What’s going on?”

“Your brother is a junkie.”

Aaron stood up then, pushing Lee backwards a little. “I’m not. You’re an asshole and keep my brother out of it.”

A cold feeling coiled in Justin’s stomach. _Junkie? Was there more to it that just Aaron’s pain meds?_ He walked forward, blocking Aaron’s path to his bedroom. “Sit.”

Aaron was glowering. Justin wasn’t the least bit intimidated. “Sit.”

Aaron turned and sat back down. Justin turned his attention to Lee. “Junkie? Care to elaborate?”

“He’s fucking addicted to those goddamn pills.”

“Lee, he’s in pain; it’s been less than six months since the accident.”

“Yeah, well then, why won’t the doctor prescribe them anymore?”

Justin turned his attention to Aaron. “You’re not getting them by prescription?”

“I am.” Aaron's arms were still crossed against his chest, his look mutinous.

“Ask him where he’s getting the prescription.”

Justin turned toward Aaron and raised an eyebrow in question. Aaron dropped his gaze, staring at the floor. 

“He’s paying some quack to write them for him.” Lee filled in.

Justin shook his head. “Aaron…”

“The both of you need to fuck off. You don’t know what it’s like. So I take something when I hurt, so what? I hurt all the time, am I supposed to just remain in pain for the rest of my life because Lee doesn’t like me to sleep so much?”

“All the time. You sleep all the time. If you’re not sleeping you’re sitting there dazed, you’re failing all of your classes and you can’t even hold a reasonable conversation. You’re always fucking stoned!”

“Lee.” Justin tried to get him to calm down a little, but it wasn’t easy when he felt like shaking Aaron 'til his teeth rattled. He sat down across from Aaron at the table. Lee remained standing, hovering over Aaron. He turned his attention to Justin. “Tell him to stop taking them.”

Justin simply stared at Aaron, and then at Lee. “What good would that do?”

 

“He might listen to you. He sure as hell won’t listen to me.”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

“Then say something,” Lee replied.

“Back the fuck off. How’s that?”

Lee stormed away, and then turned on his heel and came back, leaning in close to Aaron. “Pull your shit together. I swear to Christ, I will not let you do this to yourself.”

Justin watched carefully. Aaron looked as though he might be about to cry, but instead he stood up again, pushing Lee backwards just a little. “I’m not doing anything to myself. I’m trying to keep from hurting.”

Lee scoffed, and Justin ran through a list of things he wanted to say, discarding them all as hypocritical or ineffective. Finally he kept his mouth shut as Aaron stormed off to his room and Lee stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Justin stood up slowly, feeling tired and old. He knocked lightly on Aaron’s door.

“Go away.”

“It’s me.”

“Fuck off.”

“Aaron, c’mon.”

Justin heard a grunt from Aaron's side of the door, and pushed it open slowly. Aaron was lying fully clothed on the bed staring at the ceiling. “I don’t need a lecture.”

“Good. I don’t have one in me.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Are you really paying someone to write you prescriptions?”

“Doesn’t everyone? I mean, isn’t that what doctors do?”

“Not the same thing.”

“Justin, just let it go.”

 

“Tell me the truth and maybe I will.”

“No. If I tell you, you’ll tell Brian, and then all hell will break loose.”

Justin tried not to laugh. “You think Brian can make your life more difficult than I can?”

“Probably not. He’s the nice one.”

Justin almost rolled his eyes. “Aaron, I’m not dropping this.”

“Yeah, I know a guy who knows a guy. I order ’em online and he verifies the prescription. It’s cheaper that way.”

“Cheaper than a twenty dollar co-pay?”

“Well…”

“Your doctor said not to take them anymore.”

Aaron nodded almost imperceptibly.

“So why didn’t you just stop?”

 

“Because I still hurt, and I can’t sleep.”

“They’re not sleeping pills.”

“They make me fall asleep, and if I roll over I don’t wake up with my leg aching.”

“Are you doing your PT?”

“Sometimes.”

“So you’re not working on getting better and you’re now getting your shit illegally through the mail… what’s next, moving on to something harder?”

Aaron rolled his eyes at Justin. “There’s a big difference between prescription pills and street corner dope.”

“Yeah, one makes you Ted, the other, Rush Limbaugh.”

“Ewww, they’re both gross.”

“So don’t be either of them.”

“I’m not. Justin, you said it yourself. It’s barely been six months.”

“I know, but you’re supposed to be working at getting better, not at avoiding feeling anything.”

“It hurts. Didn’t they give you anything to take when it hurt?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah, they made me groggy, I hated them.”

“Right, you prefer meth-amphetamines.”

“I do not …” 

“What do you think E is?”

“I don’t take it on a daily basis. I don’t order it off the internet.”

“No, you’re lucky; your boyfriend loves it when you’re rolling. You get it from him.”

“We’re not talking about what Brian or I do. We’re talking about you. Are you stoned right now?”

“No.”

“When did you take one?”

“Half hour ago.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

Aaron shrugged and stared harder at the ceiling.

“Are you really failing, or is Lee being a drama queen?”

“I’m not gonna graduate on time. I had to withdraw from two courses and I’m way behind in another, but I can catch up.”

“When?”

“Lee and I aren’t fucking other people.”

“What?” Justin tried to trace the conversation back, looking for the segue; he couldn’t find one. “What?” he repeated in the hopes that Aaron would either elaborate or get back to the part where he was flunking out of school.

Aaron shrugged again. “We’re monogamous.” He made air quotes as he said it. “He wants us to…”

Justin held his breath but Aaron just trailed off.

“To…” 

“You know, go bareback, that’s why he’s so pissed off. If he could just ditch me call it off again and then find someone else to fuck he wouldn’t be so concerned.”

Justin nodded as if that made sense. “So he’s taking care of you and worried about you because you’re his shot at ditching condoms. Has nothing to do with him maybe liking you?”

 

Aaron turned onto his side, away from Justin, which put him on his bad hip. He reached into a drawer in the nightstand and pulled out a bottle. Justin considered confiscating it, but what was the point? If Aaron could get them online, there was no stopping him. 

“Don’t.”

“It hurts.”

“So don’t put all your weight on it like that.”

“It’ll still hurt.”

Aaron swallowed the pill and rolled over completely until he was on his stomach. He rested his head on his crossed arms and looked over at Justin. “You don’t get it. I think normal people want that.”

“Do you?”

“Maybe, but not if it means he’s gonna be like this.” 

“Like what?”

“Controlling.” Aaron’s eyes were closed now and his voice was slurring just a little bit.

“How many did you take a half hour ago?”

“Huh?”

“Last time, how many did you take?”

“Just three. It takes three to kill all the pain.”

Justin closed his eyes in frustration. “You take three a lot?”

“Yeah, three or four.”

Justin nodded to himself. “Sleep.” He folded the blanket over Aaron, and after shutting the door behind him, leaned against it. Shaking his head to clear it, he went back to the studio but found he couldn’t concentrate. He ended up in his office working on the layout for their new condo. The offer had been accepted. There was a good chance they’d be in before July.

As he moved the dining room table from one angle to another he spun the issue with Aaron in his head in a similar manner. He couldn’t figure out what to do with either of them.

 

 

 

Brian sat staring at the boards in front of him and his schedule for the next day. Three back-to-back meetings followed by a lunch meet and greet with a potential client, and a conference call at three. He doubted he’d get much done and tried to focus on what was in front of him, but his mind kept drifting to other things. To Aaron, who seemed to be sleeping whenever he wasn’t arguing with Lee. His work was getting sloppy too. 

Once he cleared his mind of Aaron, he tried again to focus on work, but inevitably his thoughts switched to Justin. The kid was still young, still hot. Maybe it wasn’t Justin’s fear of Brian’s fear of commitment. Maybe it was simply that Justin didn’t want to make that kind of sacrifice. 

Brian wasn’t stupid; how could he doubt Justin’s love? He just… didn’t believe in forever. Forever was about sacrifice and making each other miserable and huge angry painful bullshit. Hadn’t his parents, Mel and Lindz, his sister and her husband, and fifty one percent of all married couples proven that? 

What if this was what Justin wanted _now_ , but not forever? Then what? Brian threw the board down and jammed his laptop into his briefcase along with a few other papers. He grabbed his gym bag and left. He wasn’t going to get anything done today either.

He changed quickly and went directly to the weight bench. A really ripped guy offered to spot him but he shook him off. He did his reps in silence, glaring at anyone who tried to approach him. He wasn’t looking for a hookup. 

Almost two hours later he sat back in the steam room, his eyes half closed, a towel around his waist. He was tired and the post-workout high was giving him a mellow buzz. He felt a hand on his knee and removed it without looking. He did it again when he felt someone touching his shoulder. Home gym; probably a good idea that the new place had one. 

He wasn’t tempted, but it was fucking annoying having to constantly rebuke these assholes. Then again, he really didn’t want to think about the day when there wouldn’t be offers, when he’d just be the old guy everyone hoped kept his towel on. 

He stood up, taking the towel off his waist and draping it around his shoulders, heading to the showers.

Brian came home to silence. He paused for a moment, appreciating it, and the next moment began to worry a little. The light was on in Justin’s office. He went to the bedroom to change and then tapped lightly on the office door.

“Yeah?”

 

Brian opened it. “Hi.”

Justin looked up distractedly. “Hi. You’re home early.”

“Yeah, it’s only nine.”

Justin glanced at the clock. “Oh, not so early then.”

“What’s up?” Brian sat opposite Justin and waited. Justin was staring intently at the screen frowning. He looked up and Brian held his gaze. Justin shrugged. 

“I’m getting something to eat. You hungry?”

Justin seemed to consider the question and Brian waited impatiently; when was Justin _not_ hungry?

“Yeah, order me something, I’ll be done in a minute. I think Aaron’s still here, so order something for him, too.”

“ _Still_ here?”

“He skipped class today.”

Brian scowled.

“There’s more to the story. I’ll tell you over dinner. Call me when it gets here.” Justin turned his attention back to the computer and Brian closed the door behind him.

He ordered and sat, waiting. More to the story. There was a story? This couldn’t be good.

Almost an hour later he knocked on the office door again. “Food’s here.”

Justin nodded, shut down whatever he was working on, and joined Brian at the table. “Thai. Why am I not surprised?”

Brian said nothing. He opened his own container and took a bite, waiting. 

Justin started eating and still didn’t seem up to talking. Brian finally lost patience. “So there’s a story?”

Justin nodded, his mouth full. When he swallowed he took a long draw from his beer. “Aaron’s in deep shit trouble.”

“Not news.”

“More than we thought.”

Brian watched Justin twirl a noodle around his fork and finally shook his head. “Just fucking tell me.”

Justin did, telling him everything he’d gleaned from his previous encounter with Aaron and Lee. 

“They’re not fucking anyone else?”

“That’s the part you’re focusing on?”

Brian shrugged. “So we send Aaron to rehab?”

 

“Yeah, did wonders for my sister.”

“Different situation.”

“Still.”

“Maybe you should call Blake, isn’t he an expert in this shit?”

“You think it’s time to start calling in professionals?” Justin frowned.

“I think it’s time for Aaron to stop taking all that shit and I’m not turning this place into detox.”

“Well…”

“You have a plan.” Brian finished his beer and retrieved two more from the refrigerator. “Care to share?”

“I was thinking we start with you talking to him. I mean, you know, actually talking to him about it, and then go from there. If he’s gonna be in school for another semester he’s definitely moving with us, by the way.”

Brian nodded; he’d already figured that part out. “What is it you think I can say to him?”

“I don’t know. You have a way with wayward twinks.”

“Not sure this qualifies. Besides, he’s not as smart as you were.”

“Yeah, I was a fucking brain trust.”

“You stopped before it got too dangerous.”

“Yeah, well, what if Aaron’s not willing to admit that there is a danger?”

 

“Eventually he has to.”

“No, eventually he could just take four and then four more and then four more and then choke on his own vomit and die.”

Brian scowled and Justin simply shrugged. “It’s the truth.”

“He’s still asleep?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t keep going in there and checking on him. It was afternoon when he fell asleep. I think he’s still in his room.”

Brian pushed his food away and stood up. “I’ll talk to him. We’ll figure something out.”

Justin nodded and started packing up the leftovers. Brian knocked on Aaron’s door. There was no answer. He pushed it open. “Aaron.”

Aaron looked up, his eyes half lidded. He dropped his head back on the pillow. “I’m sleeping.”

“You do that a lot.”

“Fuck. You talk to Justin or Lee?”

“I don’t need to talk to either of them to know you’re fucked up. Get up.”

“Tired.”

“Get up.”

“Fuck off.”

Brian nodded and closed the door behind him turning to answer Justin’s questioning look. “He’s not in the mood to talk.”

Justin shrugged. “He never is lately.”

Brian retrieved his laptop from his briefcase and took it over to the table. “I’ve got work to do.”

Justin kissed him and disappeared back into his office.

 

 

Three days later, Brian still hadn’t been able to get Aaron to talk. He’d grilled Lee for information, but knew nothing more than what Justin had told him earlier. He was getting frustrated. Aaron had called out of work today. A temp was covering the phones and doing a lousy job of it. Brian’s patience was almost completely gone. His cell phone rang. “What?”

“The fucking temp wouldn’t put me through.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back in his chair. “She’s not coming back tomorrow, even if Aaron calls out again.”

“Fire him.”

“You just want to cut off his cash supply.”

“Maybe.”

“Trust me, if he calls out again, he’s gone.”

“Good.”

“Is that why you called, to talk about your half-breed?”

“No, my agent wants to have dinner tonight. Join us?”

“Why?”

 

“So you can keep me from telling her to fuck off every time she tries to offer me a lucrative sell-out gig.”

 

“Why would I want to prevent that?”

“So that we can afford the new place.”

“It’s covered.”

“Brian.”

“Fine, what time?”

“Eight thirty, Bistro Cervantes.”

“I hate that place.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“I thought you were hiring new account reps so you’d have more time.”

“They’re still in training.”

“And how long does that take?”

Brian laughed. “Maybe a year or two.”

Justin laughed. “You will, eventually, have to trust someone other than yourself to do something.”

“I do, I trust…” there was a silence.

“Ted.” Justin filled in for him, “and Cynthia, and Jamison.”

 

“Okay, so that’s three. That’s more than enough.”

“Eight thirty, I’ll see you there.”

“Later.”

 

 

Justin hung up the phone and sighed. He hated meeting with his agent as much as Brian hated joining him. He went back to work on the piece he’d had to abandon the other day. It was turning out really well. His focus was entirely on his work for the rest of the day.

When he heard a door slam he glanced at his phone. Seven thirty. He was going to be late for dinner. Justin was pulling off his shirt as he headed towards the shower. Lee and Aaron were talking softly but vehemently about something in the living room. He didn’t have time to get into it.

When he emerged, showered, dressed, late, Lee was sitting alone on the sofa. “Aaron go to bed?”

Lee nodded, “He’s asleep. Passed out is probably more accurate.”

Justin started to say something, but then stopped. He had no idea what to say. “I’ve got to go. Lock up if you leave.”

He nodded, and Justin thought again about what he might say to remove the completely grim expression from Lee’s face. He couldn’t think of anything. “There’s leftover Thai in the fridge. Help yourself.”

Lee nodded again, and Justin left.

When he got to the restaurant, his agent and Brian were already seated and having drinks. He sat next to Brian and kissed him hello, whispering in his ear. “I’m late, I owe you.” 

Brian nodded. “You do.”

Justin smiled at Dianne. “Sorry, I was working, lost track of time.” She smiled politely.

“So.”

The waiter handed them menus and she put it down beside her wine glass. “I’ve had a couple of very influential people express interest in your work.”

“Really? I’ve only sent you slides of a few pieces recently.”

“Those pieces were phenomenal.” 

Justin saw Brian nod and shook his head. “They weren’t bad, but I haven’t had the second show yet. What do they want?”

“One of them wants to commission a rather large piece for a new corporate space he’s developing. The other wants…” she stopped, taking a sip of her wine and Justin knew this was the one she wanted him to say yes to, and the one he’d least like. He waited. She put her wine glass down and held Justin’s gaze. “He wants a large fresco in a modern style in the lobby of a new hotel in Miami.”

Justin almost choked on his wine. “Miami, Florida?”

She nodded. “It’s really quite a coup.”

“No.”

“Justin, I understand your reluctance…”

Justin brushed Brian’s hand off of his knee and leveled his gaze at her. “No you don’t. But let’s say you did. How much is he willing to pay to make me less reluctant to stop everything I’m doing and go to Miami for god knows how long?”

“Quite a bit more than your usual asking price, plus expenses of course. He’s also agreed to cover airfare for return visits to New York.”

Justin glowered. “You think I’m saying no because I’m going to miss my boyfriend?”

She shrugged and the waiter came by. Brian indicated they’d need a few more minutes and then poured Justin another glass of wine. 

“You’d have complete creative control.”

“Bullshit. No one pays the kind of money you’re talking about _and_ gives complete creative control. What does he want, the last supper with his family inserted as the apostles?”

She laughed. So did Brian. “No. He wants something similar to ‘postmodern apocalyptic expression.’” 

Justin stared at her, and then smiled. “He liked that one?”

She nodded. “He bought that one. And he’d like something equally graphic and, I believe the word he used was _edgy_ , for the lobby.” 

Justin sat back, swirling the wine in his glass. “Let me think about it.”

Dianne nodded. “Of course. Why don’t we order and I can tell you about the plans for your next show. It’s in seven weeks, will you be ready?”

Justin nodded and put his wine glass down, studying the menu. “I think so. I’m working on something now that should show well. I hope.” He heard Brian snort and looked over at him. “What?”

“Nothing. You have a tendency to underestimate the power of your work. The new piece is fucking brilliant.”

Justin smiled. “Yeah, I think so too.” He squeezed Brian’s knee. The waiter came back and they ordered.

The rest of dinner was uneventful and when they got back the apartment was quiet and dark. Both Brian and Justin were a little drunk. Brian grabbed them each a beer and two bottles of water. “Come to bed.”

Justin nodded and followed Brian into the bedroom.

Brian was unbuttoning his shirt. “You should take the Miami job.”

“Maybe.” Justin leaned in to kiss Brian, allowing him to unbutton his shirt and slide it off his shoulders as he did so. “I’m just not sure I trust that kind of money. Plus I’d be gone when we’re supposed to be selling this place.”

“Makes it easier.” Brian’s hands were working the fly on Justin’s pants. “We can turn your studio back into a bedroom.” 

“But…”

Justin stepped back as his pants pooled at his ankles. Brian moved forward, kissing him, running his fingers through his hair. “Shhhh, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“You’re trying to distract me.”

“No, I’m trying to fuck you.”

“Well, that can be distracting.”

Brian pushed Justin back onto the bed, taking time to work his mouth over Justin’s nipples and then nuzzle his belly. He looked up. “Do you want me to stop?”

Justin’s hands were in Brian’s hair. He looked up, meeting Brian’s gaze, and smiled. “No.”

“Okay then.”

They didn’t talk much after that. Their arms and legs worked together, touching, stroking, pleasing, begging, and when Justin came Brian’s body tensed with his own orgasm. They were lying together, still sweaty, both knowing they weren’t done for the night when Justin expressed his real concern. “It’ll put off the whole monogamy thing.”

 

 

Brian’s brain was still a little muddled, his body still covered in a sheen of sweat, and he was _sure_ he’d heard Justin wrong. “What?”

“The whole monogamy thing. Fucking raw, if I go away for a couple of months, that’s going to delay all of it.” 

Brian sat up, dislodging Justin’s head from his chest. “How do you figure?”

Justin seemed confused by the question. “Brian, we have sex at _least_ twice a day, maybe more. If I’m not here…”

“You think I’m incapable of not getting laid?”

 

“No, I think you’re capable of anything. I just can’t imagine that you’d want to.”

Brian grit his teeth and said nothing. “Okay. If you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

“I’m not talking about me.”

“Justin, I made a commitment and I plan to stand by it. Did you think I meant we’d do this _only_ when you were in town? Do you really think I’m stupid enough to think that we’ll always be in the same city?”

“No, but um…”

“Right, so it’s you, so fine. We’ll put it off.”

Justin rolled on top of him. “I don’t want to put it off.”

“Well, then, don’t fuck anyone in Miami.”

“I just won’t go.”

“You want to go.”

“I really don’t.”

“Because you’ll miss your boyfriend?” He watched Justin smile. 

“No, because I never was that into the gig anyway.”

“But you are now. And you want to go. It’s a couple of months.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will, but I can’t be your security blanket. You need to learn to live without me.”

Justin pushed at his shoulder, hard. “Fuck you. You’re not my security blanket, you’re my… whatthefuckever boyfriend or something, and it’s not because I’ll miss you, it’s because I’ve got other stuff on my agenda. Like a show coming up in two months, and Aaron, and moving, and other ideas I have for what _I’d_ like to paint that has nothing to do with some new hotel.” Justin grimaced, “Like Miami needs another one.”

Justin was angry, and Brian smiled. “So you won’t miss me?”

“Of course I’ll miss you. Stop being an asshole. I’m just saying that all of the plans we have will have to change.”

“None of the plans we have will have to change.”

“You’re saying you’re going to just… not get laid, at all, while I’m in Miami.”

“Well, you know, not while you’re in Miami and I’m not, but there might be some overlap time in there.”

“What, are you opening KinnetiK Miami now?”

 

Brian pretended to ponder it until Justin hit him in the shoulder again. “Brian, you can’t just open up a new office every time I have an opportunity to be in another city.”

“No, but I also wasn’t planning on not accepting the client’s oh so generous offer of airfare to and from.”

“Oh yeah, that.”

“Yeah, that. But that’s not even the issue. Justin, six months, well, five now, no one but you, and then… well, still no one but you. What part of that are you not getting?”

“The part where my ass isn’t available to you at a moment’s notice.”

“I wasn’t aware it was now.”

“Please. Every time I turn around you’re fucking me.”

“You have a very fuckable ass, every time you turn around, I have a strong desire to shove my dick up that very fuckable ass. I’ve haven’t heard you complaining.”

“I’m not. I’m saying that there are lots of fuckable asses, and what if mine isn’t around to turn around?”

“Fine. We don’t do this.”

“Really?”

“Not if you don’t trust me. And fuck you for not trusting me, by the way.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that…”

“It’s that you think I’m such a fucking pussy that I have no willpower, no self control, no ability to say no to a willing trick?”

Justin sat back on his heels, still straddling Brian’s legs, “Um… that can’t be what I meant.”

“But it is.”

“Wow.”

“What.”

“I’m an asshole.”

Brian laughed. “You are. You really are.”

“So if I were in Miami, and you were here…”

“Then I’d be getting laid a lot less often and we’ll have to hope no one’s listening in on our phone calls.”

“Right.”

“We’ve done this before, Justin.”

“No we haven’t. Then you could scratch whatever itched.”

“Your call.”

“You’re leaving it up to me?” Justin’s hands were splayed on his own thighs.

Brian reached out and pushed his hands up Justin’s legs, sliding them under Justin’s hands until their fingers were intertwined, their palms together. He pulled Justin in for a kiss. “It’s up to you.”

“Then I say we do it.”

“Okay. Do what, exactly?”

“We wait, we stay… you know, safe, and when I get back, we’ll still be on schedule.”

Brian let go of Justin’s hand and wrapped his arms around his waist, rolling them both over. He kissed down Justin’s body until his mouth was sucking at his balls, his hands pushing Justin's thighs apart. “I want this. I know _I_ want this.” His tongue delved into Justin’s hole, hot and wet. Justin gasped and Brian pushed further at his thighs. Justin’s hands met Brian’s holding himself open for Brian’s tongue. 

“Are you sure this is what _you_ want?” He continued to play with the sensitive folds of skin at Justin’s hole, watching as they opened to his tongue, as they became darker pink, and glistened with his saliva. “Are you absolutely sure that a quickie in an alley with someone new is a reasonable trade-off for my cock, naked, wet, hot, inside you?”

Justin was moaning, the sound coming from deep inside him. Brian dribbled two fingers with lube and watched as Justin licked his lips, his mouth open, his breathing shallow. “You know, it’s not like sex is _sooo_ bad with condoms.” Brian pushed two warm wet fingers into Justin, whose body quivered at the intrusion, his back arching, his legs spread and his ass pulling Brian’s fingers in deeper. His hands were on the headboard, and he pushed himself down onto Brian’s hand.

“Just let me know what you want, Justin.”

“You.” Justin gasped. “Just you. Now. Brian, please. Now, I want you.”

Brian coated Justin’s cock with lube, letting his own slide against it, his mouth covering Justin’s in a searing kiss. “You’re sure?”

“Fuck me.”

Brian grabbed a condom and heard Justin’s frustrated sigh. “Soon,” he whispered against Justin’s ear as he slid the condom over his own dick and slowly moved to Justin’s hole, pressing into him, sliding effortlessly inside him, feeling Justin’s legs wrap around his waist as his ass clenched around his cock. 

Justin moved with him, his wet, slick cock pressed against Brian’s body, his thighs gripping Brian’s torso, his arms pulling Brian’s head in for a deep kiss. Justin's legs tightened around him and Brian felt the hot gush of his come between their bodies. He moved faster, pulling out as much as he could with Justin’s legs holding him close, pressing against Justin’s prostate while he felt his own orgasm start, his cock throbbing inside Justin, his body tingling and ready. When he came, Justin was still holding him, still wrapped around him tightly. He buried his head in the pillow, smelling Justin’s hair, feeling it sticking to his sweaty face.

Justin’s hands eventually released their grip on his back, his legs slowly lowering. When Brian softened and pulled out, Justin was stroking his hair and kissing his ear. “I love you.”

Brian grunted something that he knew Justin would interpret as reciprocation, and moved his hand slowly up Justin's body, stroking his face, carding his fingers through his hair without even looking up. 

He felt Justin’s body relax and give itself over to sleep. Eventually Brian rolled a little further away and lay on his side, watching Justin’s breathing, his peaceful expression and the small almost smile that still ghosted across his lips. _Doesn’t think I can do it,_ he thought to himself, and in one of the rare moments when he let himself question his own word, he thought hard about it. But he knew, without question that there was no part of him that didn’t want to do this. 


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes:

Is anyone even still reading this?

 

* * *

  
  


* * *

## Keeping Time  


## Chapter Four  


* * *

 

Brian was on a conference call with Ted and Grand Hospitalities. He listened to Ted rattle off numbers confidently and let his mind wander. It was a damn good thing he didn’t have to follow the conversation at the moment; his mind was a couple hundred other things.

As Grandmark’s son continued to grill Ted about the costs of the type of campaign they’d proposed, he let his focus turn back to Aaron. Firing him was the right thing to do, he was sure of it. That being the case, he wondered why it felt so wrong. It was probably because now he couldn’t keep track of him as easily. Keeping track of him would prevent potentially dangerous situations before they started. He’d missed the boat on this one. Aaron was in a potentially dangerous situation. 

Then again, he wasn’t that hard to keep track of these days. The fucking half-breed never left the house anymore. He was _always_ there. Brian shook his head and heard a cough on the line. “Brian, you have those projections, right? I emailed them to you earlier.” 

Brian blessed Ted for recognizing that his head wasn’t in the game. He pulled the file up. “Yeah, I’ve got them. They seem in line with the rest of the strategy.” 

Ted and continued on smoothly, and Brian focused more on what they were saying. The Aaron situation had to be resolved but he wasn’t going to accomplish anything from here, and he wasn’t going to lose this account now. He’d worked too hard for it. 

A minute after the call was over he disconnected, the new receptionist informed him that Mr. Schmidt was on the line. 

“Yeah.”

“What’s going on, Bri?”

“Nothing.”

“You were somewhere else on that whole call. Everything all right? Is there another account that’s in trouble?”

“Theodore, I appreciate your concern but all of our accounts are perched no more or less precariously than they were last week.”

“So…”

“So if you don’t need anything, I have to go work on a few other campaigns that are suffering from my lack of attention.”

“Call me if I can help.”

“I think I can kick the new copywriter’s ass without you. Goodbye Theodore.”

He hung up and turned his attention back to matters of KinnetiK. He’d handle the rest when he got home, or figured out how, or both, or… he shook his head and started reading through a couple of contracts that had been left on his desk.

It was after eight before he got out of the office, and almost nine when he got home. The music was blaring from Justin’s studio. 

He changed his clothes and grabbed a beer, then put it back without opening it. If he was going to talk to Aaron, maybe sitting there with a beer in his hand wasn’t the best idea. He poured himself a couple of fingers of scotch and downed them quickly. Leaving the glass in the sink he knocked on Aaron’s door. 

There was no answer. 

He knocked again. He could hear the television. He scanned the living room for signs of Lee. His backpack wasn’t there, neither were his shoes. He knocked again, and then pushed slowly on the door. Aaron was asleep, sprawled over the covers, fully clothed, his head almost hanging off the edge of the bed. Brian moved towards him, not sure if he should wake him, or just arrange him more comfortably. He tried to move him but he was like dead weight.

“Aaron.”

No response.

“Aaron.” He moved closer and pushed at his shoulder. As he did so, he kicked something that rattled and knocked against the base of the bed. A bottle of pills. Why was he not surprised? Almost half empty. He shook his head, and then shook Aaron’s shoulder. No response again. He tried to roll Aaron over, but Aaron wasn’t moving and wasn’t responding. He slapped him lightly on the ass, and then a little harder, and still no response.

He pulled out his phone, moving down the hall to knock on the studio door.

 

 

Justin was smiling, really pleased with how this painting was shaping up, when he heard Brian knock on the door. 

“Gimme a minute.”

He heard Brian’s voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Brian knocked again, more loudly this time. 

Justin turned down his music and flung the door open. 

“Brian, I said…”

Brian held his hand up, telling him to wait, and then motioned for him to follow. Justin did. He couldn’t quite process what Brian was saying on the phone, why he was giving out their address. Brian was still talking, yelling actually, checking Aaron’s pulse, and Justin felt a sick sinking dread. He tried to rouse Aaron. Brian just shook his head at him. 

He heard Brian almost arguing with the person on the other end of the phone. Brian had called 911? Justin tried to stave off his panic but couldn’t. He sat on the edge of Aaron’s bed, holding Aaron’s head on his lap. Aaron's eyes were closed but his body was warm. Not dead. He wasn’t dead. He also wasn’t quite alive, wasn’t making a sound. Brian was pacing.

“Just get here. He’s breathing, I can see him breathing, but it’s slow, and he won’t open his fucking eyes. Get someone here. Now.”

“Brian.” Justin tried to reach out to him but Brian shook his head moving the phone away from his mouth. “They’ll be here soon but they won’t let me get off the phone 'til the EMTs arrive.”

“Fuck.”

Brian nodded and Justin tried again to wake Aaron. “He’s cold, Brian.”

Brian nodded. 

“His lips are blue. Did you tell them that? Did you tell them that his lips are blue?”

Brian shot Justin a glance and then stopped, his look softening a little. “Yeah, I told them.”

“We should try water.”

Brian nodded, and Justin moved to the bathroom wetting a towel and putting it over Aaron’s face. He didn’t move, didn’t flinch. Didn’t respond at all.

The EMTs came and checked his vitals. Justin watched and wondered how many times they’d have to do something like this in their lifetime. He was suddenly very pleased about the prospect of moving to a new place, somewhere that had never had Aaron carted off on a stretcher, let alone twice.

They used the jargon he’d have guessed was all just so much TV cliché, pupils fixed and dilated, something about his pulse ox, and something about his heart rate. They wheeled the gurney out the door and Justin followed. 

Brian asked which hospital and they responded quickly. Justin wanted to say something to Brian. His face looked blank and he knew that was dangerous but he couldn’t do anything about it at the moment. He followed the EMTs once again, telling them what Aaron was allergic to, holding the bottle Brian had handed him. Giving it to them when they asked for it.

He climbed into the back of the ambulance with his brother. Brian was hailing a cab. _Call Lee!_ he yelled as the ambulance doors closed. 

He hoped Brian heard him. He didn’t have his phone with him. He was covered in paint. He looked down but the shirt he’d been painting in was gone. He was wearing… when did he change he shirt? He didn’t remember doing it. 

He wanted to take Aaron’s hand but he didn’t want to get in the way. He sat quietly and tried not to be angry with Aaron. It wasn’t easy.

They kept asking Justin questions. He answered them and knew he’d just have to go over it all again when they got to the hospital. They rushed Aaron through the ER doors and someone guided Justin to the admissions desk. Brian was already standing there.

“Here, he’s his brother, will that work?”

The woman nodded and passed the clipboard to Justin. Brian’s hand on the small of his back, leading him to a bank of empty chairs, was the only sensation he was aware of at the moment. The rest of him was numb.

He was starting to fill out the forms when his hand trembled. He dropped the pen and shook it out, bending and stretching his fingers. Brian took the forms from him and began completing them, occasionally tossing a question to Justin. When Brian handed the clipboard back to him, he took it to the front desk. The nurse didn’t get off the phone. She nodded in his direction as she turned to make copies of something. Justin moved back towards Brian. He had a million questions but he was afraid to ask any of them. Afraid of the answers.

He leaned his head against Brian’s shoulder. “Is he going to be okay?”

It was the stupidest question of all. No one knew, and useless platitudes were not going to be forthcoming from Brian. He felt him shrug. “I hope so.”

Brian's hand was stroking Justin’s hair, holding his head closer to him. Justin closed his eyes and refused to cry. He could cry later. When Aaron woke up he could scream at him. For now, he just wanted them to tell him that Aaron was okay.

It was twenty minutes later when Lee came in. He went straight for the front desk but they refused to give him any information. Justin was tired, he moved slowly, but he retrieved Lee. “He’s still in with the doctors. We’ll get to see him soon, I think. Come sit down.”

“What the fuck happened?”

Justin pulled at Lee’s wrist. “C’mon, I’ll tell you the whole story, but pissing off the nurses won’t help anything.”

Lee followed Justin, pulling his hand from his grip. He sat on the other side of Brian, who hadn’t said a word since they’d come in.

“What’d he take?”

Justin had handed the bottle over to the EMTs. Apparently they needed it, he wasn’t sure why. He tried to remember what the bottle said, but Brian answered for him. 

“We’re not sure. A lot of something. Probably the vicoprofen and oxycontin he’s been taking, just… more.”

“He’s been taking those forever, how could he overdose now? Christ was he…”

Justin looked up quickly, his attention turning to Brian. “Do you think it was? Was he having a death wish moment?”

 

Brian shook his head. “If he was, he’s stupider than we all think. He left half a bottle lying on the floor.”

“So it was just some lame cry for help?” Lee looked angry.

Brian shook his head again. “I’m guessing he just lost track.”

Justin nodded. “He does that.”

Lee nodded. “He does. Oh Christ, I should have stayed with him. He’s gonna be okay, right? How long was he out?”

 

Neither Brian nor Justin knew the answers. Brian stood up. “Coffee?”

 

Justin nodded. Lee shook his head, and Brian disappeared. Lee was still shaking his head. “This is so fucked up. Was he…? I mean… did his heart… um… how did he look?”

Justin turned to him. He wanted to yell. If he knew the answers, he would have told him. When he saw the pure pain expressed in Lee’s eyes, he bit his tongue against the sharp retort. “He looked bad, pale. I don’t think his heart stopped. Lee… I’m sorry.”

Lee nodded. “Me too. I should have made him move out in January.”

Brian returned with the coffee. “Yeah, this is all about where he was living.”

“No, it’s about him needing more than he was getting.”

“Or less.” Brian took a sip of the weak brew and grimaced.

“You know what I mean.”

Brian shook his head. “He’s been headed this way for a while. We all should have seen it.”

“We all did.”

Brian nodded silently and Justin _knew_ that Brian didn’t mean _we_ he meant _**I**_. He meant that this was his fault, that he should have seen it. He moved his hand to Brian’s neck, rubbing gently. “Blaming yourself won’t help.”

Brian stood up again. “Not yet.”

Justin nodded and looked over at Lee, who seemed puzzled. Justin took a small sip of his cooling coffee and grimaced as well. “Trust me, Lee. We have to deal with this in order.”

“Order? You have an order to how to deal with this shit?”

Justin nodded. “Wish we didn’t. But yeah, we do. So right now, the focus has to be on Aaron waking up. And when he’s bitching and whining and wanting to get out of here, then we can all fight among ourselves about who’s most at fault.”

Brian was on the phone, and heading out the door. Justin had a feeling he was calling Alicia, but that’s not why he followed him. Brian was rummaging in his pockets and Justin took his hand. “You quit.” He reached into Brian’s front pocket and offered him a stick of gum. 

Brian took it and nodded, hanging up the phone. “No answer at her office or her house. Do you have her cell number?”

“On my cell, which I left at home.”

“We could get it from Debbie, or your mom.”

“Um, Brian…

 

Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head back. “I forgot.”

“Yeah, call my mom, I think she and Alicia have been working together to keep the PFLAG chapter going. Brian… are you sure he didn’t mean it?”

Brian nodded. “Aaron’s a drama queen to the nth degree, if this were his swan song, he would have left a note, or played some emo music in the background, or made sure we found him. This was just a stoned kid playing with fire.”

“He got burnt.”

“We’re not doing this yet.”

Justin nodded. “I’m going to check on Lee, see if they’ve told us anything yet.”

Brian nodded. Justin was holding Brian’s hand. As he walked away he didn’t let go 'til the last possible moment. Taking a deep breath, he walked back into the waiting room hoping they had something to report.

They didn’t. 

“Brian’s calling Alicia.”

Lee nodded. “I could have done that.”

“It might be best to keep Brian occupied.”

“Yes, I’m sure this is killing him.”

Justin heard the bitterness in Lee’s voice. “Lee, I’m sorry. You’re right. Can we just let him do this?”

Lee nodded silently, clearly still angry and anxious. Justin wanted to say something else but someone in scrubs was approaching him. “Mr. Taylor?”

 

Justin nodded.

“Your brother is stable.”

“Can we see him?”

“We’re moving him to a room now.”

“A room? Why can’t he just go home?”

Justin looked at Lee. _Go home, so soon, what the fuck?_

The doctor shook his head. “He’s still recovering and we’ll need to keep him overnight. I imagine that barring complications he should be released sometime tomorrow afternoon.”

Justin felt Brian’s hand on his shoulder as the doctor finished.

“So, when can we see him?”

“The nurse will let you know what room he’ll be in.”

Justin nodded and Brian squeezed the back of his neck. They all went back to the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. Lee let out a long breath. “So he’s okay.”

Justin nodded but Brian shook his head. “Not even close.”

“Brian.”

Brian shook his head again. “Don’t.”

Lee stopped and then stood up. “I’m getting a soda.”

They all sat in silence when Lee returned. Justin finally turned to Brian. “You get in touch with Alicia?”

Brian nodded. “Now everyone knows. Michael, your mother, Alicia…”

“Word travels that fast?”

“Michael was there with them both when I called.”

“Huh?”

“Stuffing envelopes or some shit.”

“Oh.”

They didn’t say anything else until they were informed of Aaron’s room number. They all took the elevator silently.

 

 

Aaron’s POV

They gave me apple juice, like I’m four years old. Brian, Justin and Lee all file in. I can’t tell how angry any of them are yet so I don’t say anything. My throat hurts. Stomach pumps suck. I wanted to go home but they told me I should stay here. I don’t care. Here, home, whatever. Bed, TV, nothing changes. 

Lee looks like he’s been crying. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Do they know that? Do they think I actually planned this?

 

What are _they_ planning? I know them too well, three overprotective drama queens. Shit, if they think I did this on purpose they could lock me away. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But then I remember that if I’m locked up, someone else will be controlling my meds.

“It was an accident.” My voice sounds kind of rough. I feel kind of… I close my eyes.

Lee sits next to me and Brian’s standing at the foot of my bed, his arms crossed. “No shit.”

“I didn’t plan to… I wasn’t going to…”

“We know.” Lee says it as he strokes my hair, and I move away, letting it fall back over my face a little. If they know it was an accident why do they still all look so grim?

Justin opens his mouth to say something. I wait for the hum and buzz that lets me tune him out but it’s not there. Instead I turn onto my good hip but then Lee’s kind of glaring, too. He looks a little less angry, a little more hurt. I turn onto my back and stare at the ceiling. “Go away.”

“Aaron…”

It’s Lee… I don’t want to hear from any of them. I fucked up… again. Nothing new here. No new territory to cover. I hear movement and glance over… Brian’s pulling Justin out of the room. Good. They’re leaving me here. I won’t cry. I’d rather be here. Here is better than the haranguing I know I’m going to be dealing with if I let them talk. I see Justin turn to say something. Brian’s probably dragging him home so they can box up my stuff, ship me off. Then again, maybe they’re going to lock me in my room and never let me leave. At this point it really doesn’t matter.

I cross my arms over my chest. Lee reaches for my hand. I don’t want him to touch me. 

“We’ll pick you up tomorrow.” I look up, and Brian’s standing behind Justin. Nothing in his body language or his eye lets me know whether he’s planning on arguing with Justin about it later or not. I try to hide surprise. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. Relief? Maybe. 

I don’t acknowledge them, just stare at the ceiling, and then Brian's face is just inches from mine. “We’re not kicking you out, but don’t think this is over.”

I try not to respond, but I think I flinch. Brian strides out of the room and Justin follows.

Lee’s still there. His hand is resting on the bed, where my hand was. He rests it on my arm. “You scared me.”

“No reason to be.”

“Fuck you. You think I want you dead?”

“I wasn’t trying to die.”

“Your intent is not the issue. Christ, Aaron, I need you. What am I going to do without you?”

He’d do a lot better without me. “Move on.”

“Right, because that should take about five minutes. I’ll just, what, get over you?”

“Get over yourself.”

Lee’s standing up now and pacing. “You have to be more careful.”

“I thought I was.”

“No you didn’t.”

I can’t argue with him. No, I didn’t. I wasn’t being careful. 

He runs a hand through my hair and sits back down. “I love you.”

I nod, my eyes closed. 

“I do.”

“Okay.”

“Aaron, I wish you believed me.”

I have no response to that. I wish I believed him, too.

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“Please.”

The pleading in his voice actually makes me feel something. My chest tightens. I know I fucked up. When I hear him talk, his voice thick with tears he’s trying to hold back, his hand shaking as he moves it from my shoulder to my arm, I wonder if sending him away now would cause a heart attack. “Lee, I’m tired. Just… let me sleep. We can talk later.”

“Promise?”

Like I could get out of it if I wanted to. I nod

“I’ll stay if you want.”

I’m surprised to find that I do, I want him here, but I _need_ him out. I shake my head. “Go… and bring me some clothes tomorrow.”

He nods and leaves slowly. “You’re the only man I know who can make a hospital gown sexy.” He smiles but I know he’s just saying it to leave the whole thing on a light note.

“Yeah, easy access.” I turn away from him and wince a little when my hip complains. 

I hear the door close. I can cry now, in private, but the tears don’t come. Maybe I did succeed. Died without dying. The nurse comes in five minutes later with my medication and I know I’ll never be able to sleep, not with an IV in my arm and nothing more substantial than ibuprofen to kill the pain. I flip on the TV and brace myself for a long night.

 

 

Brian and Justin didn’t say anything when they got back to the apartment. Justin sat heavily on the sofa, running a hand through his hair. He picked up a sketchbook and pencil, stared at it for a moment and then put it back down. Brian handed him a beer and sat next to him. Justin closed his eyes.

“Long night.”

Brian pulled Justin towards him. Trying to comfort him, or himself, he wasn’t sure which. Justin leaned against his chest, nodding. “We’ve had too many long nights.”

Brian nodded against the top of Justin’s head. Kissed him on the temple. Not sure what to say, he said nothing.

“Lee will probably stay with him tonight.”

“We’ll go back to see him tomorrow. Bring him home.”

“Then what?”

Brian pulled back, looking at Justin. “Then we fix this.”

Justin grimaced. “Yeah, we’ve done a hell of a job in handling this so far. I’m sure we’ll have it all resolved in no time.”

“So we give up?”

Lee walked in as Brian was finishing his last thought.

“Give up? Is that your plan? We just throw in the towel? Write him off as a lost cause? He’s your brother, Justin. Is this going to be one of those tough love deals? That’s not what he needs.”

Brian leaned back and Justin moved to the other side of the sofa. “So what do you think he needs?”

Lee opened his mouth and then closed it. Clearly not sure what to say. He sat down and shook his head. “Fuck if I know, but tossing him out on his ass won’t help.”

Justin pulled his knees up, resting his chin on them. “How did we let it get this far?”

“ _We_ didn’t.”

“Brian…”

Brian shook his head. “Don’t. I knew. I knew before, when he had his little crystal flirtation and… this is…”

“Say it’s your fault, Brian. Go ahead, you know you want to.” Lee’s voice couldn’t have held more contempt. 

“He’s smart, he’s strong. I figured with enough time he’d pull his shit together. You did.” Brian held Justin’s gaze.

Lee stood up walking closer to Brian. Justin leaned forward, anger and something else clear in his eyes. “He’s _not_ me.”

“He’s not Justin!” Lee yelled, at almost the same time.

Brian sat, not moving, not responding. They were both angry. Really really angry.

Lee started to say something but Justin cut him off, launching out of his seat and pacing behind the sofa. “He’s not me, Brian. You can’t just use the same fucking playbook and think it’ll all turn out the same.”

Brian longed for a cigarette. He took a long pull from his beer bottle. “I know.”

“No, you don’t.” This was Lee talking now, not to him, but _at_ him. “You have no fucking clue. You think having the same dad, or the same manipulative smile means that they’ll both do your bidding if you just play it right?”

Justin was about to say something but Lee cut him off again. “Justin’s strong, and fucked up, and in love with you. Aaron’s really only one of those things.”

“Aaron’s strong.”

Lee turned to Justin. “You’re as bad as he is. No, he isn’t. You’re… an anomaly, and asking anyone to do what you’ve done, expecting anyone to come out the other side intact, that’s insanity.”

Brian almost laughed. “I think there was a compliment in there for you somewhere.”

Justin glared at him and turned his attention back to Lee. “I didn’t expect him to handle it exactly the way I did.”

“No. You expected _him_ to do it _right_. To learn from your mistakes and be better, faster. You forgot something.”

Brian and Justin were both staring at Lee. His face was red and he was standing almost motionless, his body practically vibrating with anger. “You told him you put it behind you. You told him that’s what fucked you up. So then you told him _not_ to put it behind him. To deal, and then you both expected him to be better in a couple of months. Here kid, your face is cut; your social currency has been depleted. You hurt all the time. Now go be normal, but you know, don’t stop dealing with all the shit, but don’t constantly deal with all this shit. Don’t just move on. Now move on.”

Justin sat back down, sighing. “Fuck.”

Brian poured himself a scotch and handed Justin a glass and the gin bottle. He tilted his head towards Lee in an offer, and Lee shook his head, getting himself a beer instead. “You want him better, and you didn’t know what to do when a few well-placed phrases of disapproval didn’t make him stop. You left it to me and then stepped in whenever you thought you could make a difference, but none of it did. _None of it did!_ ”

“Lee, you’re right.”

Neither Justin nor Lee could have looked more surprised. “I fucked up. But I’m still not leaving it to you.”

“Why? Because I fucked up too?”

Brian shook his head. “Because this is not a one man job.”

Justin shook his head. “It is. The problem is the man whose job it is, is lying in a hospital bed recovering from a near fatal overdose.”

Lee’s anger seemed to fade as he collapsed into the chair by the sofa. “Near fatal.”

“Let’s not forget that this time, okay? He’s not me. He’s not okay, and this isn’t minor. He’s…”

“He almost died.” Lee seemed to be trying to process the information, seemed to be letting it sink in. “I can’t lose him.”

“He’s not going anywhere.”

“We can’t make him stop.” Lee finished his beer and stood up to get another one.

“You can.”

Lee stood, fridge open, and turned to look at Justin. “You think _I_ can?”

“I think you have a better chance than we do.”

“He doesn’t want me around. He doesn’t believe I love him.”

“He does. He’s just afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Losing you too.”

“I can’t prove I’m not leaving.”

Brian stood up and retrieved his canister, rolling a joint.

“That shit doesn’t help.” Lee shook his head as he sat down and Brian offered the joint to him.

“Helps me.”

Lee sat back and finished his beer. “He’s moving in with me.”

“No.”

“I’m getting his clothes and then I’m going home. I’m picking him up tomorrow and bringing him back here to pack. I don’t really give a fuck what you have to say about it.”

Lee slammed Aaron’s door behind him and Brian looked over to Justin. “So the maid’s quarters will be vacant.”

Justin didn’t smile. “I’m not just passing him off as someone else’s problem”

“He’s over eighteen. Aaron can go where he wants.”

“He doesn’t know what he wants.”

“Well, I’m not reenacting Kramer vs. Kramer over your half-breed.”

Justin stood up looking drawn and tired. “You’re an asshole.” He stormed to their room and slammed the door. Brian finished his scotch and his joint and couldn’t help agreeing with Justin. He _was _a__ n asshole. Eventually he stood up and went to bed. 

Justin was sitting against the headboard; sketchpad on his knees, shaking his bad hand, curling the fingers in and then bending them backwards as far as they would go. Brian dropped his jeans and took off his shirt. He sat down beside Justin and took his hand, slowly massaging the palm up to his fingers and back down again. Justin closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard. “You’re not really an asshole.”

“Don’t start lying to me now.”

Justin gave a half smile. “Okay, you are, but…”

Brian continued to manipulate the muscles in Justin’s hand, slowly sliding his fingers up Justin’s forearm, massaging that as well. “We need a plan, and you’re both right, we don’t have a workable one at the moment.”

“Maybe we should call Blake.”

Brian squeezed and twisted Justin’s arm just below the elbow, working his way back down to his wrist and hand. “Maybe. He’ll probably just recommend rehab.”

“Helped Ted.”

“He’s not Ted.”

“Fine, so we’ve established that he’s not Ted, he’s not Blake, and he’s not me. Mmmmmm that feels good.” Brian had pushed Justin forward a bit, sliding behind him and working on the knotted muscles in his shoulders.

“So we’ve established who he isn’t.”

“Right, so who is he?”

“He’s… he’s a kid in trouble.”

“You’re better with those than you think, Brian.”

“You want me to fuck him better?”

Justin swatted at Brian’s chest. Brian smoothed his hands down Justin’s arms and then went back to massaging his back. 

“Are we too close?”

Brian kissed between Justin’s shoulder blades. “No such thing.”

“I mean to the situation.”

“I don’t think we’re close enough.” Brian let his leg wrap around Justin, his foot resting just above Justin’s ankle.

“Are we still talking about Aaron?” Justin leaned back against Brian’s chest.

“Mostly.”

“There’s outpatient treatment. ”

“It’s a thought, but he has to want it.”

“What if he wants something else more?”

“We’ll make him want it.”

“How?” Justin’s hand reached behind him, pulling Brian’s head down for a kiss

“I make people want things for a living.”

“You’ve made a fortune off me alone.”

Brian laughed. “I think we stopped talking about Aaron.”

Justin turned in Brian’s embrace, his knees between Brian’s thighs. He put a hand on either side of Brian’s face and kissed him. “He’s in the hospital, but he’s safe. For tonight, he’s safe.” Justin kissed him again, pulling back to finish his sentence. “I think now would be a perfect time to deliver on all those desires for which you’re so handsomely paid to create.”

Brian pushed Justin backwards, covering him with his body. “Well, at least I can fuck you better.”

“Only me.”

“Only you.” Brian whispered against his ear as he kissed down the side of Justin’s face, his hands working the waistband of Justin’s underwear. Justin lifted his ass, pressing his erection against Brian's as the soft cotton slid down his legs and was kicked to the side. 

Brian’s hands were stroking Justin’s cock, feeling the wet heat, letting his heart beat against Justin’s chest. He didn’t have words now, never did have the right ones when it came to this, but his ability to fuck Justin better was something for which he was eternally grateful. 

Justin’s hands were sliding under the elastic of his briefs now, kneading his ass. “Take these off, Brian. I want you inside me.”

Brian pulled just far enough away to comply, and then they were together again. Justin’s arms wrapped around Brian’s shoulders, his legs wrapped around Brian’s thighs. They pressed together, cocks grinding, wet and warm, their hearts beating against one another. Brian pulled back and watched Justin’s face, his eyes dark with desire, as he retrieved a condom and lube. 

He drizzled it over Justin’s cock and then ran his hand softly over the shaft, watching Justin’s body respond with a shuddering sigh. Sliding the condom on, he pressed his body back over Justin’s, pressing a wet finger into him.

“More, Brian. Please.”

Brian continued to fuck him with just one finger, watching Justin’s desperation grow. This was the one desire he no longer questioned his ability to create, and right now, as he pressed a second finger inside Justin’s body, felt the velvet heat surround his fingers as his ass clamped down and tried to pull him deeper, he was in no hurry to provide instant gratification. He could create need in Justin, and right now, he needed to see it, to remember it, to revel in it. Right now, it felt like the only thing of which he was absolutely certain.

 

 

Justin knew what Brian was doing. He closed his eyes, pressing his palms against his eyes as he tried to center himself. Brian needed and Justin could give him what he needed most, his own need. He spread his legs under Brian, bending his knees 'til his feet were flat on the bed, pushing himself onto Brian’s hand, letting the feelings build and burn 'til they felt like white heat running through his veins. Brian's fingers twisted expertly inside him as his free hand moved over his nipples, pressing, twisting and then stroking before it moved lower and cupped his balls.

Justin’s body followed Brian’s hand, his torso rising off the bed, his hips thrusting towards Brian’s fingers when they finally touched his cock. Feather light touches, wet and warm.

“Soon Justin, only a few months and I can have you like this, naked, and raw.”

Justin moaned, pushing up towards Brian’s hand, pressing down Brian’s fingers, three of which were now inside him.

“You’ll come so fast. Won’t be able to control yourself.”

“I never can Brian, not with you. Please.” He tried to angle his body, twisting it, so that Brian’s fingers hit his prostate. Brian seemed to anticipate the move and pulled his fingers out a little. Justin groaned in frustration.

He was shaking now, his legs felt like jelly and his body was so hot he was surprised he hadn’t melted already. He reached out for Brian, wanting to pull him closer. Brian leaned in, kissing him, his hands still between Justin’s legs, no longer inside him, stroking him from the outside, pressing the smooth spot behind his balls with a wet thumb, making small, soft circles. Brian kissed him.

Justin sucked Brian’s tongue into his mouth and tried to wrap his arms around Brian’s shoulders but he pulled away. Justin looked up and Brian shook his head. “I want to watch you, Justin. I want to see you come.”

Justin’s lips parted. He licked them and crossed his arms over his eyes. Brian needed this. He needed it too. He let himself relax into Brian’s caress. Brian’s voice was soft and low and although he tried to keep his tone even, Justin could hear Brian’s need as clearly as he could feel his own. 

He squirmed a bit as Brian’s fingers played at his hole again, never entering him. Brian’s sharp tweak of his nipple left him gasping, but he stilled his body. Justin felt his muscles relax, his body melt further into the mattress. 

 

 

Brian watched Justin’s body relax against the mattress, giving himself over completely to Brian’s control. He let out a long breath and sat back on his heels, between Justin’s thighs. He watched Justin breathe, his eyes covered by his arms, his body quivering at each touch, each breeze, each new sensation. 

He leaned over him, kissing his neck, slowly uncrossing Justin’s arms and arranging them at his sides. “Keep your eyes open, Justin.”

Justin swallowed hard, and nodded. Brian moved torturously slowly back down Justin’s body, kissing and nuzzling his way towards his cock. Justin gasped as Brian’s tongue licked across the wet head and then took him entirely into his mouth. Brian swallowed around him and then pulled off, letting his cock bob and then fall back against his stomach.

Justin squirmed and Brian placed a firm hand on his hip. Justin held still. He pushed Justin’s thighs apart, moving him further down on the bed. He spread Justin’s cheeks with his fingers, blowing softly at his wet hole, watching it close and then open for him while he felt Justin’s thighs quiver under his hands.

He stroked the soft inside of his thighs and licked lightly, almost teasingly at his hole while Justin gasped and mewled. When he pressed his tongue into him, Justin purred. Brian looked up; Justin’s hands were over his eyes again.

“Justin. Hands down.”

Justin moved his hands quickly. Brian pinched the inside of his thigh and Justin let out a loud groan. Brian soothed the spot with his tongue and Justin tried to trap Brian’s head there, closing his thighs around him. Brian pressed his thumbs into the soft flesh and pressed. Justin spread his legs again, pleading without words, shaking and moaning, arching and bucking, until Brian was sure Justin was going to come. He quickly pressed two fingers into him, stroking his prostate while he sucked the head of Justin’s cock. Justin came, hot and thick in his mouth and Brian sucked him dry, pulling off of him and then plunging into his still contracting ass in one smooth thrust.

Justin’s groan of surprise was muted as Brian kissed him, feeding Justin’s come back to him. 

Justin’s legs were shaking when they wrapped around Brian’s hips, his heels digging into Brian’s ass. His hands gripped Brian’s biceps as Brian continued to fuck him, long hard strokes making him shake and moan. Brian felt him grow hard again and pressed deeper into him, watching Justin’s eyes as he moved his own hand down to stroke his cock.

He saw Justin’s wary expression, knew Justin was wondering if Brian was going to swat his hand away, deny him, but Brian was too close, and truly, he never really could deny Justin anything. 

When Brian came, Justin’s orgasm followed quickly. He collapsed, still inside him, his head buried in Justin’s shoulder, his hand twirling the hair at Justin’s neck. 

He chanced a look at Justin's face. He was asleep, his legs still resting on Brian’s shins. 

As his breathing slowed, his mind, of its own volition, drifted back to Aaron. He knew he needed to map this campaign more carefully than any he’d ever written. Making someone want pain and hard work wasn’t as easy as creating a consumer desire for a bigger television. He made a mental note to ask Justin how to get someone to do something in which they didn’t believe. 

Justin had convinced Brian of the existence of love. Nothing could be harder than that, right?

__

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	5. Chapter 5

Justin walked into Aaron’s hospital room

 

  
  


* * *

## Keeping Time

## Chapter Five   


* * *

 

 

 

Justin walked into Aaron’s hospital room. Lee was already there, asleep, curled around Aaron. He stepped back out quietly and ran into Brian. 

“Did he take off?”

Justin shook his head. “He’s with Lee. They’re both asleep.”

Brian nodded and took Justin’s coffee from his hand, helping himself to a healthy gulp. Justin glared. Brian shrugged. “I finished mine.”

A nurse went into Aaron’s room, and when she left they could both hear movement. Justin ducked his head in. “You awake?”

Lee stretched and stood up, one hand staying on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron seemed to curl up further, pulling the covers over his head.

“We’re up. He’s just…”

“Feeling like shit?” Justin completed the thought for him as bent over, making his face level with Aaron’s. “Hey.”

“Fuck off.”

“Aaron…” 

Aaron was shaking. His teeth chattering. “I get it, okay? It just hurts.”

Justin reached out to run a hand through Aaron’s hair, but he blocked him. “Just...don’t touch me. My skin hurts.”

Justin looked up at Lee questioningly.

“Detox. He’s gonna feel this for a couple of days.” 

Justin stared at Brian. “You did research.”

Brian took another sip of Justin’s coffee and turned to leave. “I’ve got to get to work. Call me when you two figure out where he’s staying.”

“Brian!”

“What?”

“Give me back my fucking coffee.”

Brian waved the cup at Justin, smirking as he left.

Aaron reached for the nurse call bell, but Lee moved it away. “You’ve called her five times already this morning. She can’t help. You have to sweat this out.”

“I’m going to die.”

Lee sat on the bed next to him, running his hand softly over the blanket covering Aaron’s body. “You’re not going to die, it’s just gonna feel like that for a few days.”

“Oh god.”

Aaron moved more quickly than Justin would have imagined he was capable of, and disappeared into the bathroom. Lee shook his head. “He’s really sick.”

“I know.”

“And he’s moving in with me. Today.”

Justin nodded. “You need help getting him back?”

“We’ll be okay.”

“Have any idea what he’ll need when you get there?”

Lee nodded and rattled off a list of things. 

“I’ll pack them up for him. When he’s feeling better he can come get some more stuff.”

“Thanks.”

“He’s my brother.”

 

 

Justin and Brian were lying in bed, sweaty, sated for the moment, but not particularly tired. Justin rolled over, burying his head in Brian’s shoulder. “Why didn’t we tell him to stay here?”

“Because in the end, you always do what’s right.”

Justin laughed against his neck. “No, that’s you.”

“You have some sort of guilt complex about the whole thing?”

“That’s you, too.”

“Justin, you helped make the decision. You told me he needed to be with Lee.”

Justin sat up. “You didn’t fight me on it.”

“I’ve learned to pick my battles.”

“You want him here?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’ve always dreamed of raising a half-breed addict twat. This is exactly the life I pictured for us when I moved to New York.”

“It’s not what I planned either, it just kind of… happened.”

“And now it’s time for it to stop happening.”

“You think he’s ready?”

“You have to let him go sometime.”

“I know, just… this seems harsh.”

“Justin.”

“Brian, it’s…”

“Complicated?”

Justin closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “No. Yes. A little.” Justin knew Brian was waiting. “I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want Aaron to be that person.”

“What person? The one who lives independently?”

“The one who doesn’t have a choice, who’s stuck with whoever is willing to take him in.”

Brian didn’t say anything for a long time and finally Justin looked over to see if he had fallen asleep. He hadn’t. “Is that really what you think?”

“You know this.”

“I didn’t know you hated living with me so much.”

“Now who’s being a drama queen? I don’t hate living with you. Most of the time I didn’t hate living with you, but I never had a choice. You know all of this, Debbie’s, Daphne’s, the loft, whatever… god, we’ve been over this like a million times.”

“But Aaron’s not you. Isn’t that the mistake we made in the first place?”

“Part of it.”

“He has a mother, he’s had a stable home. He lived with her for three years after he came out. He’s okay, he’s…”

“He’s seriously hurting, and highly unstable.”

“He’s usually much more stable, but is that what this is really about? You think Aaron will feel… like you did?”

“I just don’t want him to. And I don’t want to be the people who pushed him off on someone else when it got too difficult.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m sure you see it that way, but it just isn’t. Not with me, and not with your mother.”

“It felt that way.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want him to feel that way.”

“Justin, he and Lee are pretty tight. They may be together for a while. By then, he’ll be on his feet, and we’re not severing ties, we’re…”

“I know all of this rationally.”

“So why not act on your oh-so-rational thoughts?”

“Because it feels wrong.”

“I wish I hadn’t quit smoking.”

“Dying of lung cancer would make this feel right?”

“No but it would give me something to do with my hands when I feel like throttling you.”

“You’re mad?”

“No, but you’re working yourself up over nothing. He didn’t even move across town, and you’ll check on him.”

“Yeah, I’ve got to take some more stuff over tomorrow.”

“Good, the sooner we can get this space cleaned out the sooner we can put it on the market.”

“What if we end up carrying both mortgages?”

Brian shook his head. “You’re just determined to be miserable tonight.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are. But that’s okay. I’m determined to take your mind off of everything.”

“Everything?”

“Well… maybe not _everything_. What I’d like you to focus on… _if_ you can take your mind off the fascinating intricacies of real estate and half-breeds… is the fact that in four short months…”

“Four and a half.”

“Four and a _half_ short months… we will be in our new place, and I will be inside you… bareback.”

Brian’s hand was stroking Justin’s cock. Justin let his head fall back, his lips parted. “Do we really have to wait four months?”

 

“Four and a half.” Brian squeezed the base of Justin’s cock. “And yes.”

Brian moved his hand to Justin’s hip. Justin moved 'til he was flat on his back, Brian’s body covered his. He wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist. Brian pulled Justin’s hair in his fist, kissing him harshly. “So what are you worrying about?”

Justin’s eyes narrowed, his body pressed hard against Brian’s. “Nothing.”

“You sure?” Brian bit at Justin’s earlobe, rocking against Justin’s body, their cocks grinding together, wet and hard and warm. Justin shuddered. And nodded.

“Fuck me.”

Brian slid the condom on quickly. He was lubed and pressing at Justin’s hole before Justin had a chance to inhale again. 

“Now, Brian.”

Brian pushed in, biting Justin's shoulder at the same time, reveling in the grunts of pleasure. He kissed Justin’s neck, his hands holding Justin’s down against the bed, fucking him hard, with quick long strokes that left Justin’s body shaking each time the head of Brian’s cock pressed against his prostate.

Justin’s eyes were closed, and Brian watched his face. He was lost to the sensations, and that’s all that really mattered. The rest, well, they’d deal with it. He tucked his head in the crook of Justin’s neck, whispering hot words against his ear as he continued to fill him, to fuck him, to please him. 

Justin twisted his arms out of Brian’s grasp. Brian let his face hover over Justin’s, sharing his air before he stole it completely. 

Justin’s fingers were pressing on Brian’s biceps. His body angling to take more of Brian, to hold him longer. Brian complied with Justin’s silent request and pressed in as hard as he could, aiming for his prostate and manipulating it mercilessly until Justin’s hand left Brian’s arm and found its way between their bodies. Brian could feel Justin’s knuckles brushing his abs as Justin stroked himself in rhythm to Brian’s quick sharp thrusts. They both came, collapsing back onto the bed.

Brian stayed inside Justin for a little while; stoking his hair and watching his quiet contentment become more about sleep than sex. 

Justin opened his eyes when Brian pulled out completely. “Four and a half months is a really long time.”

Brian nodded. “So is twelve years.”

Justin turned towards Brian, their faces close. He draped an arm over Brian’s waist and pulled him closer. “I love you, you know.”

Brian nodded against Justin’s cheek. “I know.” He wrapped his arms around Justin’s body and listened as Justin's breathing evened out. Eventually, he fell asleep as well.

 

 

Justin woke up to an empty loft and had a moment of joy, followed by a moment of guilt, followed by a long leisurely cup of coffee that was not interrupted by anyone. 

Two hours later he was standing in Lee’s doorway. Lee looked like shit.

“Hi.”

“Hey. You look like shit.”

“Yeah, I haven’t slept much.”

A soft sound came from the bedroom, and Lee headed back there quickly. Justin followed, leaving the two bags of Aaron’s things by the sofa. 

Lee was sitting close to Aaron but not touching him, offering him a bottle of water. Aaron pushed it, and Lee, away. He turned on his side, his back to Lee, and saw Justin. “What are you doing here?”

Justin took a step further into the room. “I came to see how you were doing.”

“I’m doing great. Why? Don’t I look like I’m doing great?”

Justin shook his head. “Not really, no.”

“I was being ironic.”

“Oh. I lost my sense of humor about this. Sorry.”

Aaron gave a half hearted eye roll. “Justin, go away. Please. I’m tired.”

Justin sat down on the edge of his bed and Lee stood up, taking an old bottle of water and a sandwich that looked more like it had been pulled to shreds than actually eaten with him.

Justin tried to smile, but Aaron just turned away from him. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry’s bullshit.”

Aaron curled up under the blanket. “Not if you really mean it.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I never meant for this to… it wasn’t supposed to… I remember how scared I was, when I found Brian. I would never do that to someone else. Never on purpose anyway. Not to Lee, not to you, not to Brian. I’m sorry.”

“Just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.”

Aaron turned over, facing Justin. “I mean it. I’m done with all of it. I gave them to Lee.”

“He’s going to dole them out to you again?”

 

“No! He’s getting rid of them, he _got_ rid of them. I’m not taking them anymore, ever.”

“Okay.”

“You don’t believe me.”

“I want to.”

“Well, then believe me.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’ll help.”

“How?”

“Look, anything I say is going to be the same crap every useless addict says when they almost die. So I get it. I wouldn’t believe me either, but in six months, Lee’s going to owe me like a hundred blow jobs and you’re going to owe me like a thousand bucks.”

“So we’re making a bet?”

“Sure, why not, incentive, right?”

Justin nodded and smiled. “Are you okay here?”

“Yeah, all that bullshit about not wanting to live with him was the drugs talking.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“It was a little.”

“If you want to stay with us, if you want to come back…”

“Justin, you’re my brother for christsakes, I _know_ you love me. I know you wouldn’t let me become homeless if you could help it. You don’t have to keep me prisoner to prove it.”

Justin nodded. “Okay. You look tired.”

“I am… so I’m going to sleep. Will you do me a favor?”

“Maybe.”

“Can you ask Brian if, you know, in a month or so, when I’m ready, I can have my job back?”

Justin shook his head. “No. You ask him.”

“But…”

“You want to be an adult? I’m all for it, you’re twenty years old, living with your ‘domestic partner’” Justin used the air quotes. “You want your job back? Go get it.”

Aaron nodded slowly. “Okay. Um, also…”

“Yes?”

“I love you too.”

Justin smiled. “Good to know. Now get some sleep.”

 

 

 

Brian was standing in the same doorframe six hours later. He looked around Lee’s place and almost shuddered. It was exactly what he’d expected, cheap furniture, bookcases made of fiberboard, everything in renter’s beige. 

Lee greeted him and then pointed towards the bedroom door. Aaron was curled up with the blankets kicked to his feet. He was shivering. Brian pulled the blanket over him but he swatted it away. “D…d…d…don’t.”

“Your teeth are chattering.” Brian wasn’t sure if Aaron was nodding or if his whole body was shaking. “How’s that detox treating you?”

“Fuck off.”

“Okay.” Brian stood up. 

“Brian, wait.”

Brian turned around and looked at the tattered easy chair in the corner, which seemed to be serving double duty as a clothes rack as well. He stood, his arms crossed. “You okay here?”

“Yeah, Justin and I already did this part.”

“Good.”

Aaron went on to repeat his promise. Brian nodded, no more ready to believe it than Lee or Justin had been. 

“So Lee will owe me like a hundred blow jobs, and Justin will owe me a thousand dollars, and you’ll owe me my job back.”

“What?”

“That’s what I want. I want to come back and work at KinnetiK.”

“You need to go back to school.”

“I’m working on that.”

“You get back into school and you can have your job back.”

Aaron smiled a little. “Thanks.”

Brian handed him the bottle of water on the nightstand. “You’re sweating and shaking. Drink this.”

Aaron took a sip and put the top back on. “Oh, and Brian.”

“Hmmm?”

“My Amazon wish list?”

“Yes?”

“It’s public, just you know, if you weren’t sure what we needed as a housewarming gift.”

Brian snorted and turned to leave. “Don’t hold your breath waiting for the delivery guy.”

 


End file.
